Take it Home
A cozy, candid podcast hosted by two NYC roommates with big dreams, figuring life out one honest conversation at a time. We dive into the beautiful mess of being a 20-something woman navigating life, love, career, and everything in between. Whether it's a chat about moving to a new city, dating disasters, or taking a solo trip across the world, we're here to laugh, cry, and grow right alongside you. Each episode is an invitation to a cozy night in our apartment- complete with real talk, a signature drink of the week, and a "take home" moment to leave you feeling lifted, inspired, and a little less alone. You've just found your new best friends!
Take it Home
The Toll of the Scroll: "TikTok Has Given Me Insecurities I Didn't Know I Had"
In this episode, we trace the evolution of social media — from the days of posting for our friends to the era of endless scrolling and algorithmic validation. What once connected us now often leaves us comparing ourselves to people we’ve never met. We talk about how TikTok shifted everything — the rise of unrealistic beauty standards, the pressure to perform, and the exhaustion of being an artist in a world that demands constant content.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. We close with real, practical ways to quiet the noise, reconnect with yourself, and reclaim your peace in the digital age.
Sip of the Week: Honey Chai Turmeric Tea
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Noelle:
Hi, I'm Noelle. And I'm Marissa, but Noelle calls me Pete. I do.
SPEAKER_01:And welcome back to Take It Home. Yay! Happy Take It Home to you and me. Happy Take It Home Wood doing it. Us we. Okay, anyway.
SPEAKER_02:That was good. Okay. Welcome back, you guys. Yay. Thanks for being here another week. If you're a longtime listener. Yes. Thank you so much. If you're new, welcome back. I mean, well, no. If you're new, welcome. You guys, my brain. If you're new, welcome for the first time. Yeah, not welcome back. Sorry. That's exactly crazy. The opposite of what I wanted to say. Anyway. Um Do you want the house tour?
SPEAKER_03:I can take you to the first, second, third floor.
SPEAKER_02:That has been so stuck in my head. It's a good little catchy song. Sabrina knows how to write a catchy song.
SPEAKER_01:She does know how to write a catchy song. And a good one.
unknown:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Shout out to you, Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah. You don't know me, but shout out Sabrina. Maybe one day you will. Okay. Um, do we normally start with the thing that makes us smile or no drink? We start with our sip.
SPEAKER_02:What are we drinking today? Hold on. You guys need to look at this. If you're watching, well, first of all, we're drinking tea today because we're being cute and wholesome.
SPEAKER_05:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:So we're gonna set down the microphones for one second, but let me pre- let me explain. I was in a thrift store, one of my favorite antique shops in Williamsburg, called Mother of Junk. They have so many cool things, and it's like actually cheap. Um, and as soon as I saw this set, I had to get it. And then I imagined us using it on the podcast. It's this mug, little mug and saucer set. It's if you're listening and not watching, they're white, but then like the rim is pink on the mug and the saucer. So I got two, one for me and one for Noelle. They're adorable. Let's hold them up. It's so cute.
SPEAKER_01:I wonder if you can see the pink detail.
SPEAKER_02:Like, if you can see the pink, but the kind of tea we're drinking is a honey chai turmeric. I'm intrigued. It's good. Um, I've been drinking it for a week or so now.
SPEAKER_01:This is my first time drinking it. So okay. It still might be really hot, but cheers. Cheers. Yum, hot. And we're drinking the brand Yogi. And so they have little fun notes on every tea bag. So shall we read our notes? Yes. What does yours say? Mine says, let's see. Ooh, may your head and heart speak with one voice. Okay. Ooh. I like that. May they.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, mine says serve all in truth, in compassion, and grace. Okay. Serve all in truth in compassion and in grace. Why am I struggling to understand that? Serve all in truth, in compassion, and in grace. Serve all in truth in compassion and in grace. It's like a list. Mm-hmm. They they put in in front of every word, but it's kind of like I feel like they could have just said, serve all in truth, compassion, and grace. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, that would have made more sense because I'm like, serve all in truth in compassion and in grace. Yeah, it was confusing. Just confusing. Um, so that's our sip of the week. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And now let's say what made us smile this week. And now let us say what's made us smile this week.
SPEAKER_02:So I have a surprise for you guys. Kind of. What? Um I have no idea what it is. Well, you all you're about to find out. So my smile happened to me today. I was nannying. For those of you who don't know, I am a nanny. I've been with the same family. This is my third year with them. So I'm pretty close with the kids. The girl is seven now, and we just had some like extra free time, downtime today. We had extra time, and she was like, Can we write a song? Can we make a song? And I was like, sure. And she has this little journal that she um writes lyrics in for herself. And she I basically let her I let her do the whole thing. I actually like didn't help her with it at all because she was just flowing. And she just like wrote an entire journal's length, like page length of like lyrics. And I had the idea because I was like, we don't really have time to like flesh out a whole song right now. But I had the idea because there's this AI app where you can put lyrics into it, and it it creates like a song. Oh my god. And it's good. Like I don't, it's kind of crazy what AI can do. And it's just like funny because it's like a seven-year-old's lyrics, and then the app turned it into an actual song. Um, we made it like a pop song with a female voice, and I'm gonna play it. Wait, oh my gosh, it may be like a minute long if that. Um, but just imagine these are like seven-year-old little lyrics written in her journal that I just put into this app and then it created this song. I'm excited.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01:Isn't that crazy? Okay, I have a few thoughts about that. Yeah. One, love the lyrics. She did so great writing those. AI scares me. Yeah, isn't that true? Why does that sound like a real singer? Why how did it create a song that fast?
SPEAKER_02:Like I It also gave me two different versions of the song. So I have like a completely other or a completely different version. I don't like the song. Like same genre, same voice, but like a different song with the same lyrics. So it's crazy. Like you can tell it to oh, you know what? This kind of plays into our topic today because we're gonna be talking about social media and like technology and whatnot, but you can tell it to like make it country, make it this, that. Like you can get more specific with it too. It's just kind of crazy what it can do. But I also have to just add, like, this is my smile because the way she lit up when I played that for her, it was like, it's like it was the best thing she had ever heard. And she was like, I can't believe we did that. And I was like, girl, that was all you. Like, these are your lyrics. And she was like, Yeah, but you typed them in. Oh my god. And she was just like so happy about it, and I got to like send it to her so she can have it. That's really like as a kid, like seeing your lyrics turned into a song like that, like that would be awesome. I don't support AI um music, but in this case, I do.
SPEAKER_01:I know. I was like hating it, and then you said that Gwen was really happy about it. Yeah, I was just for fun.
SPEAKER_02:Like, I would never I I do not support like artists using AI in that way to like no, I'm I'm scared for like the Tilly Norwood, yeah, the new actor. But it is crazy that like would you know that was AI if if you didn't know?
SPEAKER_01:It sounds like some singer. May who I'm trying to think of who.
SPEAKER_02:This is my fight. Oh my god, that's exactly what it is. Who is that?
SPEAKER_01:Someone Rachel Platton. Yes, it's like kind of sounds like her. Yeah, okay. Well, that was my smile. That's crazy. I was not expecting you to play like a whole song in your smile, but I love it. And the lyrics, I liked the end when she was like, What if I grab its wings? Yeah, so powerful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um, I like in the beginning when she's like, My sweatshirt's falling off. I don't really know like where that lyric came from.
SPEAKER_01:I'm like, what does that mean? I don't know. But cool. Um, good job. That's really funny. Good job to you and her. You guys made a beautiful thing. Thank you. Thank you. Um, my smile is that mine is pretty simple. I was in Florida this past weekend and I got to have a beach day where I sat on the beach in the sand. That's crazy. I know. I was at the beach. You were in like hot weather. Yeah, I was. I was in hot weather. It was very hot there. And yeah, I freaking love the beach. It makes me so happy. The only thing that made me sad was I couldn't swim because the current was so strong. Oh, they wouldn't. They like had flags up, and it was like it was scary. The waves were scary looking. Um, and I love swimming, but I'm so grateful I got to have a day at the beach. I was on the beach for a couple of hours. I got to sit in the sand, I got to lie on the beach, and yay. That's nice. I'm jealous. So that is my smile. It's getting cold here in New York. It is. And then I came back here and I'm like, whoa. Yeah. But I'm kind of liking it right now. I don't like when it gets freezing. Like in a couple of months, I'm gonna be like, oh my god. But like today I was kind of like, okay. I'm not minding it.
SPEAKER_02:It's very new. I feel like in the past like couple weeks it started just getting chilly. And I guess when we're recording this, it's like last week of October. So we're, you know, when it comes out, we'll be a couple weeks into November and um it'll probably be even colder. So yeah, I don't know. The more I drink this tea, the more I really like it. It's really good. Yeah, I like it. I also love anything with turmeric because it's anti-inflammatory. And don't we need that? I feel like I'm always inflamed. We do need that. Apparently, I so I've been getting acupuncture, and uh, my healer asked me if I get headaches when it's like rainy out. And I was like, I've never put two and two together, so I don't really know, but I'll keep like track of that. And I've noticed a pattern of like on rainy or like wetter days, I will have more pressure in my head. And she was like, There's this thing in ancient Chinese medicine called dampness, which I had no idea was a thing. Um, but it's not necessarily about like bloating per se, and the way we think about it, but it's something real like kind of like that. Like you could you kind of feel like you're like a sponge that's full and could be like wrung out, but it can get triggered by like humid environment and it can make you feel like you just need to be like squeezed like a sponge and like it builds like pressure up in your body, and um that's so interesting. And yeah, I we were talking about anti-inflammatory, and that reminded me of that. Do you ever feel the need to be squeezed like a sponge? Well, I kind of feel that. Like, I I don't know. Ever since she's mentioned that, I've been paying more attention and it can like weigh you down or make you feel fatigued. And I'm I'm always wondering, like, why am I always so like that like tired? Like, where's my vitality, you know? Um and sometimes I feel good and not like that, but a lot of times I just feel tired, more lethargic than I should for the amount of uh like for how much I take care of myself in my body, and like I feel like I have a pretty good diet. I have exercise and like I my sleep is pretty good. So I'm like, what is missing? You know, there's just so many things that go into your health and well-being, and so many things happening in your body.
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, I feel like this is a good segue into our topic. I'm like, maybe the amount of time we spend on social media is what making is what make hello is what is making us lethargic.
SPEAKER_02:That definitely does not help, and that can play into it for sure. But yes. Today's topic is social media. Why can we never sing on this podcast?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I promise we're good. Social media. Yeah, yeah, because that sounded really good. Yeah, that was good. That was better.
SPEAKER_00:It kind of sounded like minions. I don't know. Uh wait, what do minions say? Banana. Do they say banana? They like speak gibberish. Not actual. I don't know. Oh, wait, that sounded like one, oh, but banana, oh, banana. And then they're like, Fred. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:They all have like names like Bob and Fred, right? Probably. That's so like that. Was my humor in elementary school.
SPEAKER_03:I'd be like, he, my name is Bob.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Remember Fred? YouTube Fred?
SPEAKER_03:Hey, it's hey guys, it's Fred! And today we're gonna go swimming in my pool.
SPEAKER_02:Or um Annoying Orange. Oh my god, I forgot about annoying orange. So that was social media shit. We're just tying into our topic today, but I'm so glad we're talking about this because this has been weighing heavy on me as of the last couple weeks. I've just, I don't feel that great. And I think social media plays into that definitely.
SPEAKER_01:So, how are we going to begin this conversation? I guess just talking about the evolution of social media since we've been alive.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think that like all technology, like social media is constantly evolving and growing and changing. There has definitely been a shift within the last five years, though, um, with TikTok. And it is literally changed the the world. That is so true. Um I like thinking back to a time when just like when we were in college, which wasn't even that long ago, we didn't have TikTok. TikTok wasn't what it is now. I didn't even have TikTok until deep into COVID times. So like it just became like, I don't know, five years ago it didn't really, I mean it it existed, but it's not what it is now. And now it's like controlling pop culture and like the world and what music is popular, trends, it's like uniting generations, and it's it's I I have so many feelings about it. Same. It's like overwhelming.
SPEAKER_01:It is, I think social media when you just strip all of the crazy stuff away, um, like the way it's affected us and what it's become. I think it started off as um something good. I don't I wish I had a more eloquent way to say that. Um, but it, you know, it's was a cool idea to keep people updated on each other's lives, like people that you might not talk to as often or even want to like call or text very often, but just people that, you know, you still want to know what they're up to. It's a good way to get people's life updates and to update people on your life and talk about big events, like, oh, I'm going off to college here, yay. Just graduated, moving to this new city, yay. I think it started off there were good intentions behind it. Actually, maybe not. Maybe the intentions were always just money and wanting to control our brains, actually. But it's just turned into something completely different. I feel like now it is no longer about giving life updates and more like, I don't know, some kind of weird social competition.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like there was a shift when the focus came off of the people that you know personally and connecting you to the people that you know personally. To now you go on social media and you are scrolling through videos of people that you don't know. And then you're following this new thing called an influencer who, you know, has all these followers and this community that they've built. And I'm not trying to shit on social media either, because I think that there's like we're gonna get into all of it and like the the pros and cons and and everything. But just I'm just trying to paint the picture of the shift that happened. Cause it like for us, I feel like our generation, like our age, social media really like it started all for at least for me, like on Facebook. I just wanted the Facebook so bad, like all my family had Facebook, and then my friends at school started getting Facebook and like middle school, and then I finally was allowed to get one. And like that was solely to connect with all of my friends and family on a platform. Like it was very exclusive. Like you had friends and you had to mutually follow each other. Um, that was before like Facebook pages were a thing. So you weren't even really liking, like, it's it wasn't about like following someone, it's like you had to become friends with them, which means that you had to mutually accept each other. It was more of like that kind of thing. And then you have Instagram makes its way into the picture. And like Instagram, when it first kind of started being a thing, was not what it is today. But I remember like I have this vivid memory of downloading Instagram, not really knowing what it was, but it was more for like, ooh, like taking pictures and like being artsy, and they had all the photos or the filters. And I remember like one of the first people I followed was Zendaya. Like, so this is where you're getting into the territory of like, oh my god, can I can like connect with my these celebrities that I'm a fan of?
SPEAKER_01:I remember thinking it was really cool for that reason. Like, I was like, whoa, like I can follow the Kardashians. Like, I don't know why the Kardashians are my example, but just like these insanely famous people, like I can follow their social media.
SPEAKER_02:Like to think that that wasn't a thing when we were kids. That's really weird, actually. But now we're so connected to like these celebrities and these people that used to feel so unattainable. Now you can like potentially interact with them on social media platforms. And I think that started on Instagram, but like Instagram still kind of was like, I follow my friends and like they follow me back, and I go on Instagram to look at like my friends' photos. And then you have like Snapchat came into the picture as well, and that was like just different, but that was more like you know, you're talking to your friends. Vine. Oh my god, I forgot about Vine. So Vine was kind of like it was like a mini TikTok. If you I don't know, you probably all know what Vine is, but like if you don't know it, because it doesn't exist anymore. It was it was kind of like TikTok. It was like a uh video platform where you could scroll and it was like short form content, and I think videos, the max was seven seconds. So like Vine was like very funny. It was a bunch of like I miss Vine. Oh my god, I was such a Vine kid. Like Vine was hilarious. Um you could only make a seven second long video, so it wasn't like influencing, it was just like funny things, but that kind of probably sparked this new era of social media with like the short form video content. Meanwhile, all of this while this is all happening, YouTube was also like a huge thing for me, at least in high school and and stuff.
SPEAKER_01:I loved YouTube in middle school, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That was kind of the start of like influencer era, but YouTube was a lot like longer form too. So I I watched a lot of like um makeup tutorials and like back to school outfits and like Miranda Sings and shit like that.
SPEAKER_01:I loved Miranda Sings and like Jenna Marbles.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I feel like it was still long form, so our attention spans were still intact to some degree. But then, you know, Instagram started becoming a little more competitive, it was less about just sharing your artsy photos.
SPEAKER_01:And you know, I feel like that started when stories kind of became more of a thing. Instagram stories people were posting what they're doing all the time. And it's bad for you. One, one, like I was noticing it being unhealthy for me, seeing what other people were doing doing, first of all, because of FOMO. It's like, oh, these people are hanging out without me. Like, you know, but then also bad for me because I wanted to post everything always. Like, why am I posting when I'm out to dinner with my friends? Why am I posting here and there instead of living in the moment? Like, I feel like you're posting on your story and then you're just going and checking who's seeing it rather than doing the thing that you're posting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It's like, did it even happen if you'd like didn't post it onto your Instagram story? Ugh. And this is so funny because I remember when Instagram stories first became a thing. Because the concept of stories where you post something, it stays up there for 24 hours, you can see who views it, blah, blah, blah. That started on Snapchat. Oh, yeah. It was Snapchat stories. Like that's what it was on Snapchat. And then Instagram copied that. And I remember thinking, What is Instagram trying to do? Like they're just trying to be like Snapchat, like Instagram stories, like no one's gonna use that. That's so stupid. And I like didn't do it for the longest time. And then now that's kind of like the majority of what Instagram is. Like, I feel like it's people are posting stories every day, and then maybe every like three months you post on your on your grid. Um, yeah, just the evolution, like looking back on it is crazy and just tracing back how things just changed. Um, and I remember Instagram becoming or feeling so curated to the point, and when we were in college, it was like super trendy to have a Finsta. Oh my gosh. So FinstaGate. We all had second Instagram accounts. Finstagate is insane. Wait, we should talk about that. We actually should. Okay, so story time coming in two seconds. We all had fake or second Instagram accounts that were private. So now we all had our like public for show Instagram accounts with like lots of followers, and then we all made private accounts for just like our very close friends. And we would post like stupid stuff on there.
SPEAKER_01:Like my finsta was just videos of me like at parties in college being stupid, like just funny, crazy stuff that you wouldn't want like your parents seeing on your normal Instagram, but just your besties, like drinking, funny stuff, yeah, that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_02:And I posted on my Finsta so much. I actually kind of like miss that. It was kind of fun.
SPEAKER_01:I miss I'm like, bring back Finsta.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But we had this thing in uh Elon on the freshman year college.
SPEAKER_01:Our freshman year gate.
SPEAKER_02:Do you want to go ahead and explain it? Because I don't know if I will tell it well.
SPEAKER_01:I don't even know if I can tell it well either. Our freshman year of college, someone in the musical theater department posted on their Fensta, like, comment below if you want to do this game. And like then I'll message you someone's name, and then you have to post on your Fensta talking shit about them without using it.
SPEAKER_02:It was like, give your opinion on this person. But a lot of people went like went in and were saying really, really mean things. Cause I don't think the concept was like talk shit about them. I think it was just like, Oh, tell me what you think about them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And like, so I remember one was about one of our friends in our class. Someone commented saying, like, ooh, give me a name, whatever. And so the person who posted the original post messaged them someone's name. And then the person commented, talking about them being like, every time I see this bitch, I want to slap them across the face. Like, just stuff like that. Really mean stuff. And uh yeah, yeah, just talking about people's talent too. You know, that's hard in a musical theater program. Like talking about like she can't sing, she can't, whatever, which also like everyone can sing. Um, I think we all sing, but we all, yeah, and it was people were just saying really mean things, and so that caused a lot of drama, and then someone brought it to the musical theater faculty, and then all of this shit happened. And like, I'm team don't cyberbully and don't talk shit about people on the internet, but also I think the faculty didn't handle it that well either.
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, so they called a department-wide like meeting. Was it it was just maybe just the musical theater department? It was just a musical theater, all four classes, all uh, you know, teachers, whatever, and um basically explained like what was going on. I had no idea about it. I remember being in a voice lesson and my voice teacher saying something like, Yeah, like they're calling a meeting, there's you know something really bad happened. And she was like, I'm sure you don't know anything about it. Like she was right, and she was right. She was like, it's uh something like something to do with Finsta. And I did have a Finsta at the time, so I kind of was like, I kind of freaked out. I was like, are they getting mad at people for like having second Instagram accounts? And I was like, Oh yeah, no, I don't know what what that's about. And I didn't, like I didn't know what was going on on Finsta.
SPEAKER_01:But if someone said something mean about me on the internet, I mean, well, hey, now I take that back. I was gonna say now people say mean things on the internet all the time. Well, one, they shouldn't. And two, it's different when you're in a program of people you know, like a stranger commenting on a TikTok being like, you're ugly. It's like okay, it's different. But yeah, we all knew each other personally, so it was just like talking shit openly, and people would make it obvious too, like comment certain things where it's like, okay, we all know who you're talking about. Yeah. I honestly is very messed up. From what I know, I know a couple of people are who like part were part of Finstagate, like felt really traumatized by how the faculty handled it. I don't really know, remember details of why, but just like made them feel like terrible people. Yeah. In a way, like where, yes, like it's good to learn your lesson and not do things like that, but like maybe faculty was just way too harsh about it and very black and white, and like you're a bad person now. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:I honestly don't really know the details. Yeah, I don't remember either. But anyway, that happened when we were in college, and that was crazy.
SPEAKER_01:Well, the crazy thing is also that year we were doing Cats the Musical, and so Cats was cast, like the whole thing was cast, and then Finstigate happened, and then since people were taken out of the shows, um, they had to recast like a majority of cats. So they gave other people who like had callbacks for the show the roles, even though literally the cast list has already come out. They that is traumatizing. They took them all out and put new people in, but then I think a bunch of parents got really mad and upset. So then they ended up bringing the original cast back and they had to double cast. I forgot about that. So um they would had to take turns performing. So like each cat in the show was like played by two separate people.
SPEAKER_02:I completely forgot about that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that is traumatizing because when you're in a musical theater program, which if you listen to our last episode, you'll know a little bit more about what that life was like. But um, being cast in a show or like the shows, it was like everything. Like it was such a big deal, I feel like, to be cast, especially like in a lead role or whatever, like you know, not like your world, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You're not cast in every show, so like that opportunity when you get it is like very important, especially to get cast as like a leading role, like getting cast in general is like like okay, like I was cast doing the show now, but getting like a Lead role. And then, yeah, so some people got them taken away. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And that's also like publicly shaming everyone too, because we all knew at that point like who was involved because of who was taken out of the cast originally. So, like, yeah, I guess I can see both sides of it. Um, yeah, and that was just a crazy time. That was a crazy time.
SPEAKER_01:Damn, I was not expecting to talk about finsta game. I forgot that was a thing. I also did.
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, so finstas became a thing because Instagram started just like the vibe of it was changing. And then I feel like then came along TikTok. Um and I think nothing will ever be the same. Um, now that and I'm like, what is next, you know? I don't even scares me.
SPEAKER_01:There's always something that's next. I'm like, how could there be something next? What else could possibly exist?
SPEAKER_02:It could be a long time from now because I feel like there was a big gap between like Instagram being born and then TikTok being born. Um What is Lemon 8? Lemon 8, I actually have a lemon eight account, but it's like I don't I've never used it. It's linked to your TikTok, but it's like honing in on the like influencer side of TikTok, where you can like buy products. Like it's it's like a almost like a mix of Pinterest and TikTok.
SPEAKER_01:Interesting.
SPEAKER_02:Like it's more about like products curating, like maybe like lists of like wish lists and like looking, yeah. I don't know. I actually don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I that could be wrong, but always that's what the vibe is. Like notifications on my TikTok, like join Lemonade.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I downloaded it just to see like what it was, and now like I can't get rid of it. I don't know, because it's like linked to my TikTok, but who knows? Um, because it's evolved so much too. Like when we were children, we didn't have access to all of this. And now at, you know, kids at younger and younger ages are being exposed to more and more on social media. And I'm like, if I as a grown 27-year-old woman am being affected by my social media intake, I cannot imagine what it's doing to like a vulnerable child's brain that is still in development, um, even like teenagers, because we didn't have that. And I'm so grateful we didn't, you know, when we were growing up.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like there have always been beauty standards and trends and whatnot. Like, I mean, I'm sure throughout all of time. But with social media, it's just so much more amplified. Like, it's not just like you buy a magazine. It's like now we pretty much everyone has a phone and it's all right there, and you scroll and scroll and scroll. And also, I beauty trends, I think, were more of a thing in the celebrity community for a long time. Like you're like, wow, that celebrity looks like not a real person. They're so beautiful, and it's because they could afford to get the work done and whatnot. But now I feel like more people are doing that. And no shame. I just want to say Florence Given in Women Don't Know You Pretty talks a lot about how you cannot judge women pretty much for anything, um, because society tells us to do shit. So, like, if for example, if someone wants to get a boob job, some people might be like, oh, like she's getting a boob job, like she's fake, what you know, say whatever you want. But you can't judge them for wanting to get a boob job because it's like, well, society tells us that in order to be desirable, our boobs need to look a certain way. And sometimes people like you can't help that you want to be what society wants you to be.
SPEAKER_02:Did that does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. It's not like the root of the problem is society, not women like changing their bodies and like setting an unrealistic expectation for other for like younger girls, because it's like a shame that that happens, but it's I would never like I say, like, do whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you feel good, because society puts these expectations on us to like look and feel us or look a certain way.
SPEAKER_01:It's like there shouldn't be the expectations in the first place. Like you're getting a boob job because of what celebrities or the magazines or social media is telling you that you need to do. It's you know, it's like if we didn't have these trends, then people wouldn't be doing it, and then we could all just look however the fuck we're supposed to look. Like, why are we all trying to look the same way?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, but I know I hate to blame people like again. I will reiterize. I don't blame people who get work done. Reiterize? Is that a word? Reiterate. Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so scared. So scared. I'm reiterize. Reuterize. Am I okay?
SPEAKER_02:I like that though.
SPEAKER_01:Um, yeah, let's start saying reiterize. Reuterize. So, anyways, I'm gonna reiterize that um I think people can do whatever the heck comes they want to do. And you just really can't judge people. It's just either like, do you want to go along with society or do you want to go against it? Or do you want to be somewhere in the middle? I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle, maybe. Like I like some beauty trends. There are if I had more money, I'm sure there are some things I'd do. I'd want to get my teeth professionally whitened. I'd want to I'm like, would I want Botox? I don't know. Probably at some point.
SPEAKER_02:It's it's it's a really weird, like vicious cycle because there's the root of the problem. And then there's like the people, I guess, conforming to that. To basically, it's like a survival instinct in some in some way, shape, or form. Yeah. And then it's like that is like not attainable for everyone. And then it's like making other people feel bad about themselves. Okay. Were you about to say Well, I was just gonna say what you were, I was gonna just bounce off what you said about like how it used to be you look at the celebrities, and those are the people that you you would be like, oh my God, wow, they look so perfect, like the people on TV and whatever. But it was like easier to separate that from your reality because you're like, well, they're a celebrity, and like of course they look perfect and blah, blah, blah. But now, like, that culture is so much more, so much more integrated into it's like more attainable. It's more, um, more and more people are just like doing that. So, like, it just seems like like, yeah, everyone's doing it and everyone should look this way now. Like every normal quote unquote person is now getting Botox, filler, um, plastic surgery, and not even just that, but like just like how what about body trends? That became a thing of like having your body to look a certain way, and then like it would shift into like, well, if you don't look like this, and then it shifts back, like the pendulum swings with the body trends and like like boobs, for instance. Like, it's you know, everyone's always like, Oh my god, gotta have like bigger boobs, and then small boobs are in, and then it's like, what do you mean? In what do you mean? What do you mean in? It's like everyone has a different body. Let's not make bodies a trend because people literally will like change their bodies with surgery to make them look a certain way, and then like or like to reverse healthy eating and workout.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes. I will say, like, I I've fluctuated so much in my relationship with my body. Like, I feel like there have been times when I've loved my body. Like, I feel like in high school, having like being like curvy and having like big boobs and a big ass was like super in. And I remember feeling like hot shit because for a high schooler, I had boobs and butt. And I, and I just remember feeling so hot. But then I remember getting into college, and I feel like maybe that was also just part of being a musical theater program surrounded by like dancers, not even in a comparing myself to others' way, but just like in the musical theater world, it's like you need to have a Broadway body, like you need to be skinny, skinny, skinny. And that's not me shitting on skinny people, it's me shitting on just the word skinny, like stop. I hate the word skinny. Yeah. Like I like, yeah, it triggers me. And it's just like, okay, like, I don't know. And now I'm just kind of out of place where I'm like, I don't know. I feel like being super skinny is in again. And I just, I don't know. My relationship with my body is just weird. There are times when I hate my body, and it's like, why? What and you and I actually have this conversation a lot because we have like differing, is differing a word? Yeah, I'm like, I don't, I don't know what are what differing is a word. We have differing body types. You could just say different though. Why am I I don't know why I'm trying to like sound smarter and it's not working. My brain isn't working today. You and I have different body types, and we both talk about our insecurities with our bodies in like opposite ways. Like we like getting pictures taken from different angles. Yeah. Like I like when people take photos from above because I feel like it makes me look a certain way, and you like them from below. Or like straight on. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I I don't like above because it makes me. Yeah, it's just like no matter what you look like, there's always going to be some thing that like the internet will make you feel insecure about because it's just like never enough. And ultimately, it's like the beauty industry benefiting from that because you know, all these companies are just trying to sell you this and this and that. And like it's actually kind of crazy on TikTok shoe, like the ads you'll get for the new fucking thing to do. And like, I sometimes like submit to it. Like, I it's like it's powerful. Like, what was I gonna say? Fuck. Oh, yeah, you were saying you're somewhere in the middle of submitting to the trends and also being your own, trying to like, you know, embrace it's just hard not to submit to it when you see yeah, like beautiful people all over your TikTok and Instagram.
SPEAKER_01:Also, TikTok has given me insecurities I didn't know I had. Like, I feel like thigh gaps became such a thing. It was like, do you have a thigh gap? Like your thigh, like if your thighs are touching, like that's a problem. And I'm like, I don't have a thigh gap. Oh my god, and like hip dips with when that was the thing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I and I was like, I was like, oh, I have them. Yeah, oh, am I supposed to feel bad about that?
SPEAKER_01:Like, yeah, it was like you like get rid of your hip dips. And I'm like, what are hip dips? And then I look at a picture and then I look in the mirror and I'm like, well, I have them. I didn't even know this was something I needed to get rid of.
SPEAKER_02:I saw like some Instagram or fucking what was it? What is it? TikTok of this woman who is whitening the whites of her eyeballs. I can't buy luckily, I don't think that has taken off. It was either that she was whitening it or doing something to make her eye the whites of her eyes look whiter, or she just had like really white eyeballs, and like people were commenting, like, wow, I don't know. It was fucking weird. Um, but yeah, it's just like it you could do everything and it would never end. There's always going to be something that the internet is gonna be like, you need to change this about yourself. And it's really scary. And I'm I'm just like worried about, I feel like we're at this peak of social media. Like, I don't really like the world we're living in right now, and we're at this, like it feels like a peak, but I'm like, is it a peak or is it just gonna keep getting worse and worse? I don't know, but it freaks me out.
SPEAKER_01:I'm hoping originality comes back. Yeah. You know what's so crazy? I literally, this past weekend when I was in Florida, um, I took a picture with someone who I was visiting in Florida, LMAO. Um, but all I could think of, like we got a bunch of pictures, and there were so many where I was like, ew, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, because of how my arm looked. I that's one thing I've been really looking at recently when I get a picture, I'm like, oh, what does my arm look like? Then I'm like nervous to look at it, and then it like dictates my mood. And that's not normal. It's like, who the fuck cares what my arm looks like? And I actually had a moment after deleting some of the photos, and I was like, why am I deleting these photos when I'm like seeing this person and I'm seeing his show, and this is like a special weekend, and I'm I'm not taking these pictures because I want my arms to look good. I'm taking them because this is a special memory. Yet when I look at them, I'm like, hell fucking no, I don't like the way I look. I don't like my arms, and then delete them. It's like, really? Do I need my arms to dictate my mood? It's sad.
SPEAKER_02:It's like, but it's like not your fault, you know? And I also feel that way. Like I'm hyper-critical. And this is actually why I struggle with like creating content, which will get into like what it's like doing that as an artist and just like how that uh affects you. But like I just every time I like try to make a video or like I don't know, take pictures, it's like I'm just hyper critical of the way I look and I will nitpick every single little thing. I don't know if that's the typical experience. I'm assuming it probably is, but like it kind of just like puts me in a bad mood. And I'm like, I can't do this every day. I can't record myself every day because it takes me out of the present and it just makes me I don't know, just like look at myself. I feel like I there are some days I was talking to you about this, I don't want to perceive myself always. Like some sometimes I just want to like be in my body and like live my life and not perceive myself, if that makes sense. Like it does, even with sometimes my creations, like sometimes I'm like, I'm not in the mood to edit the podcast because I just like don't want to listen to myself talk, or like I don't want to make a TikTok because I don't want to like I just don't want to like perceive myself. Um, and I don't know, is that normal? Like I sometimes I just need like a break from myself or like looking at myself from another perspective or like putting myself on social media and just like I want to just like be, you know? And I feel like it's so fucking hard to do that as an artist in the world today because it feels like you have to be posting in order to be successful these days.
SPEAKER_01:It does, and that stresses me out.
SPEAKER_02:Stresses me out to like no other thing in on right now does. It's like on one hand, we have this platform and this amazing resource to like gain, you know, to to show our art and you know, reach others in ways that maybe we wouldn't be able to without TikTok. But then it's like one, it's it's hard to do that, it's not easy, you know. I don't know, maybe sometimes people post their first TikTok and it just like I have not had that experience. So it's like very hard to be consistent enough with it to like break through the algorithm. Also, it's like if that doesn't feel aligned with you, like if creating content doesn't feel like it aligns with you and who you are and what you want to do, or like how you want to go about sharing your art, it feels like you are missing out on this opportunity to be 10 times more successful than you are because you're not taking advan advantage of this resource. And that makes me feel stress, anxiety, and guilt 24-7. Yeah. And it's like this is not healthy, and I just I have not cracked the code on how to go about life as an artist in the age of social media. I don't know either.
SPEAKER_01:Like sometimes I feel like inauthentic, like posting certain things because it's like I'm only posting for my art. Like, I'm not necessarily wanting to become an influencer. And I mean, hey, if that happened, then that would be cool, but that's not my goal at all. My goals are to be, yeah, be an artist. I would love the podcast to reach more listeners. I would love to have more of a platform on here. I would love to be an actor. And I don't want to also have to be a TikToker in order to be an actor. Like, why can't I just like sometimes there just feels like there's pressure to like, yeah, get a following on TikTok so I can do these things. And it's like, why can't I just do the thing I want to do? Why do I have to also be like my own content creator and social media manager? Yeah, especially when I don't have a following. It feels embarrassing sometimes. It's hard.
SPEAKER_02:And you know, everyone says like you have to break through the cringe era, whatever. It's so hard to do because it's like if you don't genuinely like love creating content, then it just feels it's like a lot of energy and effort for like very little payoff, I guess. Even so like it's just like, how do you find a way to share yourself on social media in a in a way that feels authentic and not draining and like and like brings you joy even if like two people see it, you know? It's like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes I really feel like if I wasn't an artist, I wouldn't have social media anymore. I actually used to be the queen of taking social media breaks, which I haven't done in a while. You used to do that a lot in college. In college, I took an entire semester off of all social media. I deleted Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook for a whole semester. And it was not hard. And I would do that for summers too. I'd be like, bye. I'm taking a social media break for the summer. Like I feel like some people say, I'm taking a social media break, bye. And then three days later they're like, okay, I'm back.
SPEAKER_02:But even that is valid because that can feel like a lot when you're used to having it every single day, and that any amount of time you can take away from social media, like slay.
SPEAKER_01:But yes, that is that is very true. I'm not trying to shit on anyone. But um, yeah, like I would do all of that with no trouble. And now I feel like I can't do that because I'm like, I feel like social media feels like a job now, even though it's it feels like not even for me thing that you have to do, or if like you're not doing it, then you're not working hard enough.
SPEAKER_02:And it's like, damn, like I feel like I'm already doing all this stuff. Like, I'm creating the podcast, which I'm so passionate about, and I'm making music, and I'm also acting and going to so many auditions, and then like working on my jobs and working on myself and trying to like put energy into my relationships and friendships. And it's like, is that not is it not enough anymore to like just do your art? Just to do what's not. And that really, really fucking scares me because I'm like, how do I go on with the rest of my life with this like world?
SPEAKER_01:I just don't I get jealous of the actors who don't have social media, but like became successful before social media was a thing. Like, oh my gosh, this is such a random example. But Evan Peters, who is in like all of the American horror stories, and he's such a great actor, he doesn't have any social media. And he used to be my big celebrity crush, so I would always want to follow him on stuff, but he doesn't have anything. And I'm like, that's crazy that he still gets cast in stuff and is still working as an actor and he has no social media. It's literally just because of his acting connections. I'm like, that would be the dream.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Like, or to have someone else run my social. Honestly, when you see most celebrities' social medias, like if you go and look at Taylor Swift's Instagram, Beyonce's Instagram, all these people, it is mainly them promoting their art too, which is crazy because they're to that level where that people care about it.
SPEAKER_02:So that's what they can use their platform for. Yeah. Now it feels like you have to convince people to care about you before they can care about your art. At least, you know, that's what it feels like. I know that it's not black and white, and there are many ways to, you know, fight find success as an artist, but like it feels very suffocating and like like there's no other way. And I've just been feeling it extra lately.
SPEAKER_01:Also, like I feel like I'm pretty good about not comparing myself to others for the most part. But when you spend so much time on social media, it eventually gets to you.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it it's subconscious a lot of times, too. Yeah. Like scrolling on TikTok, like you're just seeing so many people. I don't know, just depending on like what your algorithm is bringing you, like you're most likely seeing people's lives that you kind of aspire to or like that are like parallel to yours.
SPEAKER_01:Because that's the parallel people that get to me.
SPEAKER_02:That's the content that you that interests you naturally and like that you interact with. So that's what keeps showing up on your page. And it's like, um, what's the line between inspiration and like comparison and like causing a downward spiral spiral of doubt? It's hard.
SPEAKER_01:It's funny because I feel like back in high school and college, a lot of the issues with social media were more like FOMO. Like you'd see people hanging out without you, you'd see people at parties, whatever. I mean, I guess that wasn't a huge issue. Like, I feel like I didn't experience that too much. Luckily, I know like that is a big thing though. But subconsciously, you are seeing also all of these, like, you know, people posting their lives and their bodies, and people should be able to do that also without I I don't know what I'm trying to say.
SPEAKER_02:It's just like Yeah, it's like these people aren't doing anything wrong by sharing their lives.
SPEAKER_01:It's just it's just a lot to see everyone doing everything. Also, people only really post their good stuff on social media. But I feel like that's the other thing. People make it seem like their lives are perfect. They're like, look at me. I'm working my dream job with my dream partner, and I live in my dream home in my dream city. And here's where I just took a vacation in Bora Bora. Yeah, you're seeing like 5% of their life. But it's like that's not the real. Even like I think about that sometimes. Like, actually, I think it's funny TikToks that are like what people see on my Instagram story versus like what I tell my friends, and it's like you're in some like tropical location, but then your like bank account has no money or something. And I'm like, that is so me um coded. But also just in general, like, I feel like there have been times and I've like posted on social media, like a cool show I did, like I performed in a show and I went on a trip or something, but like I was also going through something else at the same time, and it's like yeah, uh yeah, it's like and it makes you think like how come their life is so perfect, yeah, just it's no one's life is perfect.
SPEAKER_02:It's easy to forget that you're only seeing like such a small chunk of someone's life. Um, and like even if you don't mean to, like, I think just seeing so much information, you're just you're going to compare, even if it's subconscious. And I think it builds up over time after a while.
SPEAKER_01:Also, just like being someone who struggles with mental health already, I think TikTok has not been great for my anxiety, especially in the dating world. Like, because I've had a lot of unfortunately bad experiences with men. And TikTok like tries to tell explain to me how I'm supposed to be feeling. Like, I'll be and of course, TikTok always knows what you're thinking because it knows what you're Googling and they're listening to you and stuff. So if I'm feeling stressed about a dating situation, I'll get on TikTok. And the first TikTok that comes up is like, if your man isn't buying you flowers at least once a month, he is not your man. And then like the next TikTok is like, you just need to communicate to your man and like what then that's all you need to do, and not every relationship is perfect. And then the next one is like, break up with your man. If he oh my God, it's just like especially like when you're in the situationship and talking phase, that's when I feel like it's really bad. Because it's like, if he like never double text a man. Like if you are double texting him, he is not the one for you. And then the next one will be like, um, if you like you should be able to double text your man because like you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, like it shouldn't stress you out to double text him. And it's like, oh, none of these things matter, but it's these little tiny things that blow up in my head. It's like, did he text me? Like, what does that text mean? And then I could start catastrophizing. And I've realized that TikTok is not helpful with that because it's all these unlicensed people, people who are not real therapists giving advice.
SPEAKER_02:Well, also, sorry, it's just so black and white, too. Like every relationship is different. So, like, you can't just use the one blanket statement for for every relationship.
SPEAKER_01:Black and white thinking is something I've really had to work on in therapy. But honestly, it changed my life when my therapist a few years ago was like, you do black and white thinking because I was dating someone, and like he said one thing, and I was freaking out to my therapist about it. And I was like, uh, like he's that means like this is I need to end it. Granted, I never I knew from the beginning it was just a fun thing, but my therapist was like, that is black and white thinking. Like, you you can't just like listen to someone say one thing you don't like and then assume that they're a bad person or something. And I was like, that is so true. And TikTok has really amplified my black and white thinking. It's like so that is such an anxiety thing to like hear, like someone does one annoying thing or says one thing, and then you're like, oh, nope, this is never gonna work out. This is not the person for me. They're gonna break my heart and ruin my life all because they like didn't like one of your pictures on Instagram.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And it's like, that's not how life actually works. But TikToks get into your head and there's so many of them. Also, I just broke this hair clip. No, this hair clip is so cute. No, it's not even mine. It's actually Audrey's.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's just a lot and it's overwhelming. And I don't even know, like, I guess I don't have an answer to any of these things. Um, it's just I'm like really kind of struggling with it right now. Um, I feel everything. A lot of existential dread when I think about it.
SPEAKER_01:Because also, you know what I just realized in real time? I mean, it's not I'm realizing it for the I'm not realizing it necessarily for the first time, but just really thinking about it. Social media is also ruining just like in-person experiences. Like I'm thinking about live art, like going to concerts, going abroad with just why have I seen all of Sabrina Carpenter's concerts from every single angle? Yeah. I know all of her bits, I know all of the Juno positions, I know all her entire intro, all of her different costumes, the Juno positions, and like all of the Taylor Swift eras tour, all of any concert I want to watch, I can see the whole thing on TikTok. And I feel like that really takes away from the experience. Like, one, yes, of course, if I'm going to a concert, I do take videos sometimes. But I don't know. It's I don't really post them, but I guess maybe I would post one, but then I don't know. I'm like, it's why it's just like, why is my entire For You page a Sabrina Carpenter concert at different points in her concert? What is the point of going in person? Yeah. I mean, there is still a point because you're still experiencing that life. But I feel like also what I'm trying to say is everybody's on their fucking phone the whole time. I feel like everyone has their phone and is filming the same song from a different angle and all posting it.
SPEAKER_02:Watching the concert through their phone screen, which I've caught myself doing sometimes, like when I've gone to concerts of like people that I really admire, and I'm like, I need to capture this moment. Like, there's a pressure of like needing to capture the moment so you can remember it, you know? And it's like, oh my god, my favorite part of one of my favorite songs is coming up, and like I'm like, I have to because I'm gonna want to look back on this. And I'm like, okay, but I can't watch this moment through my phone screen when this artist that I admire is right in front of me on the stage, you know? Yeah. Also, like one of my favorite things about going to concerts is like the intro. Mm-hmm. Um, because I think it's so exciting, like going to a concert and like a like a person you know and like you know their songs and you don't know what song they're gonna open with. And you're like, oh my god, what's the intro gonna be? What song are they gonna open with? Like, that's what was always the most exciting thing. And yeah, it's like you just know all of that stuff now because it's on TikTok. And I'm like, maybe that's good in a way for like the people that can't access those concerts and are never going to be able to go see those shows, that they can also like see that. But yeah, I don't know. There's just always like two and two sides of the coin. Is that I think that's a fruit. I don't know. Like there's two sides to the story, yeah. I yeah, I guess there's it's just like there's pros and cons. Like, yeah, it can be good in some ways. If you look at it one way and then in other ways, it's just like not. I think the worst thing is being somewhere and feeling like you need to record every moment rather than just being present. Like it's fucking stressful.
SPEAKER_01:It bothers me when people. People are on their phones too. Yeah. Like, I mean, and of course I go on my phone sometimes, but I feel like you and I at least are good about like if we're going out to dinner or something, like we're not, we are not those people who are on our phones when we're like at a bar at dinner. Like really try not to be. No, we're not. We don't do that. Like, I don't think any of my friends at the moment really do that. Maybe some. And like, I like to take pictures, but yeah. But there's a difference between. Okay, here's the other thing. There's a difference between like capturing things and like, you know, we we take pictures of every food we eat. Well, we both have food Instagrams. Follow them. Ironically, we're like, we hate social media.
SPEAKER_02:We people need to stop taking pictures. Food Instagram is so funny because I have like what 60 followers or something. And it's like, I it's more for me to like remember like all of the places I've eaten because we've we both are such foodies and like we've eaten so many cool restaurants, and it's like kind of keeping a log of everything. So yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But but I will say we don't we don't even post them while we're at the restaurant. No, I post sometimes like weeks later. I'm like, oh yeah, I went here. I am so bad at posting actually in the moment, which is good. But I feel like recently I've been good about taking pictures, like even well, I deleted my Instagram for most of my trip this past summer. I then I ended up re-downloading it, but I still wasn't really posting during it. I like had a week and a half in Brazil with all my social media deleted. But then it was like, I had so many pictures on my phone. And I was like, I'm just gonna go ahead and post the first half of the trip. And then I deleted Instagram again. I don't know. I feel like when I'm on trips or if I'm going out to eat with friends and stuff, I like to take pictures of the food and the things and then put my phone away and then experience it instead of like, ooh, got it, let me get the perfect picture of my food. Okay, now I'm gonna post it and like make sure the story's right and add a caption. Like, I don't like doing that. Like now I feel like I post things like the next day or something. Which is honestly a good tip. Like, you don't the feeling the urge to post something in the moment, that's like, I don't know, something to ponder. Like if you feel the urge to post right now, it's like, why do you need to post that now? Why I feel like I've really been not liking pictures recently. Like, like I've not been enjoying getting my photo taken recently. Yeah. I'm like, what's that about?
SPEAKER_02:So social media in the world is a lot, and I just don't know what to do about it. You how do you make money as an artist? It's like brand deals and shit like that.
SPEAKER_01:I saw this TikTok. I don't, this is me being like so gossipy, and I literally don't know Sydney Sweeney in person at all. But I saw this TikTok that where I was like, that's interesting. Someone was like, why is Sydney Swin, why is Sydney Sweeney constantly posting like brand deals and ads with companies that are like kind of random? Like not random, but like, I don't know, she's Sydney Sweeney. You'd think that she could be working with like designer brands and stuff, but some of the stuff she's doing is kind of random. And like she's constantly doing it. And someone was like, is she like in a lot of debt or something?
SPEAKER_02:And like Sydney Sweeney do an interview where she was like, We're not making as much money as you think, like as actors. Did she? Yeah, we I'm gonna probably can't find it. But she, I'm pretty sure it was her who did some interview, and this was like a while ago. I don't know. Just saying how she's not making as much money as you would think as like a working actor. And I don't know, maybe that's true, but like but why am I also like I don't know her situ okay, I just don't know her situation, so never mind. I mean, I'm sure she was making a shit ton of money from euphoria.
SPEAKER_01:That's like that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, well, I just don't know. People I feel like artists used to make money on like CD sales and movie ticket sales, and now streaming services have taken a lot of money away from artists.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the streaming service is as great as I think it is for just like convenience and accessibility and and stuff. It's like no one's buying songs anymore, really, like on iTunes. Like you still can. The amount of money you make from streams is like minuscule.
SPEAKER_01:Why is that? How much do you think like like Taylor Swift makes on Spotify a year? Let's look it up. Chatty.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it's probably still a lot because she gets like so many streams, but I mean, she's Taylor Swift, so that's like maybe not the best example because she probably makes more like here. Let's see. Okay, so a common average per stream payout is about 0.0035 cents per stream. Okay. Um, for top-tier artists. So, you know, do the math. I guess it says for 2023, Taylor Swift likely earned like 100 million dollars from Spotify alone. Okay, but like she has billions of streams, question mark. Like, you know, she's Taylor Swift. This honestly, all of this stuff makes me feel really hopeless. No, I know I'm like as an artist, it gives me anxiety. And I've been like really feeling this a lot lately because I'm just like, okay, like what am I supposed to do?
SPEAKER_01:I know people always say this and it's so cliche, but I really feel like I was born in the wrong generation sometimes. Like, I miss when I was younger, I was like, I just want to be on Broadway. Or like be in movies or on TV shows. Like, I didn't sign up for all of this other shit. Yeah. Like I just want to be on Broadway. And it feels like now, even doing that, like, I don't know. Everything, everything's just on TikTok, everything's online. Nothing feels like in person and connected and human anymore. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_02:Even if like I still believe there's ways to make a career, obviously, in acting, music, whatever, without being TikTok famous. But like, this is what is so scary to me is like, let's say you are a working actor on Broadway and you're making your living doing that. There is an opportunity to be making so much more money and like reaching so many more people by making content on TikTok as well. Just knowing that that opportunity is there is like daunting because it's like, if I don't do it, am I just like missing out on all of this money and all of this uh opportunities to reach more people, which could lead to opening more doors for you in your career. Because there are people who probably literally get cast because they have like a following on social media, influencers getting cast on like in Broadway shows and influencers in movies now and influencers making music and signing record deals.
SPEAKER_01:And that shit is so frustrating sometimes, unless you're an influencer who like you, if you're an actor and have been taking classes, whatever, and you're also an influencer, that's completely different. I'm talking about the people who get record deals or book roles solely because of their following, like haven't had an acting class, have never wanted to be an actor before. When there are so many people who like are really good, who have trained for so long.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm not saying these people don't deserve these opportunities because it's like there is something to be said about like what it takes to like put yourself out there on the internet and to be successful in doing that. And I'm not shitting on that. I just don't like that it feels like the only avenue. Yeah, it does. But like, I'm not saying that people that that do that it's bad or they don't deserve the opportunities that they get. Cause it's like, yeah, it does open doors um for you. And if you realize this is something you want to try and that's something you have that opportunity, then go for it. But like, what about why is there no other way to do it these days? Or why does it feel like there isn't? You know, it's just crazy.
SPEAKER_01:It's like it's I don't know, it scares me.
SPEAKER_02:I know. Okay, so I'm feeling a little rattled and because I feel like this is just a conversation that's spirally, like there's no yeah, resolution, there's no telling like where this is leading in the future. It's scary, and that's that. But if you're feeling similarly, we are there with you, and I did want to end this episode um going through some tips and tricks of like what you can do if you do feel overwhelmed by social media, or honestly what you should implement anyway, just to like prevent burnout from social media. And yeah, I think the only way to kind of resolve this conversation because there's no way to do that other than taking control of you know what you what you can control because social media feels so out of control sometimes. So we wrote down a list of some things that help us to kind of like limit our social media use or kind of help the way we go about it when it feels overwhelming. I'll start off by saying something I do a lot is I like to sleep with my phone on, do not disturb. And when I wake up in the morning, I try to keep it that way and not check social media first thing. It's not always something I'm successful at, but like on the days when I do, I do feel a lot better of just like being able to have my morning, not having like Instagram and TikTok be the first thing I open and see when I open my eyes. Um it feels a lot more grounding to wake up and just like be in my body and be a person and yeah, not directly go on that. So like keeping your phone on, do not disturb in the morning.
SPEAKER_01:We're not made to consume this much information. I feel like especially right when you wake up, that's like or like before you go to bed too. Yeah. Like that's not a good way to start the day by opening this app with this light that shines into your eyes that gives you bad news and like shows you everything. Like, you don't need to know that when you first wake up in the morning or right before you go to bed.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So that's something that helps me. And like, don't underestimate the power of do not disturb. Honestly, like for some reason this week I've been leaving my phone on do not disturb throughout the day, which I don't usually do. But like, I actually have been checking my phone a lot less because of that. Um, because like even if like I get a text from someone, that immediately causes me to look at my phone and like open the text, and and then I'm on my phone and uh it's just so easy to like click on an app. But like having your phone on do not disturb gives you the power of like when you you choose to look at your phone when you choose to, not the other way around. So don't underestimate like how um helpful that can be, honestly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, what else did we say? You talked about doing cleanses. Yes, I I know this is hard for some people. I've known people who are like, I could not take a cleanse. Um, but I will say the times that I've taken social media cleanses where I literally don't go on it for weeks or months have been really nice. And you actually like I have found myself in those moments, in those times, like not thinking about social media or missing it at all. Like normally, if I delete it, I'm only constantly reaching my phone to check it for like two, the first two days of the cleanse. And then I'm every time I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot I don't have it. And then I just stop doing that and don't miss it. If anything, it's more anxiety inducing when I re-download social media. I'm like, oh God, what's on here? But it it's really, it actually feels very nice. It it might be daunting at first, or you feel like, uh, what am I missing out on? But like, I feel like I you just text people, call people, say, what's up? Yeah. You don't have to like look. Or actually, this isn't what something we wrote down, but this has helped me. Deleting the apps. But if you really feel Pete's gonna laugh. If you really feel like you don't want to not go on social media, delete the apps, but then like you can log into Instagram on Safari sometimes.
SPEAKER_02:It's something that Noelle does sometimes, and I'm like, why aren't you on Instagram on Safari?
SPEAKER_01:And I will say, like, the thing about it though is you can't post when it's on Safari. And I normally log out of my account, and so I have to log back in. So sometimes I'm just too tired and I go on safari and go to Instagram.com, and then it's like, what is your log? Literally, and then it's like, what is your login? And I'm like, ugh, that's too much work. And then I just don't go on it. It's not crazy how our brains work.
SPEAKER_02:Like it's just at the touch of a finger. So like it's just there and so convenient for us. But if we have to log in, it's like fuck it.
SPEAKER_01:That's so crazy. But also, you can't um post on Instagram.com on Safari. So, like sometimes I feel like like I've gone through different phases. One where I feel like I'm stalking people too much, and then also phases where I feel like I'm posting way too much, like I'm just like bored in my life or something, and just feel the need to like constantly be posting on my close friends and whatever. And then when I start feeling that, like uh, I feel like I'm oversharing on my close friends, or I'm just like posting way too much. That's when I delete the app and just go on safari because then I'm not posting anything and I can still like see and respond to other people's stuff, but I'm not just like I'm more living in the moment more because I'm not out with friends thinking, like, uh, let me post a picture of us right now. It's just like I'll take a selfie and then not post anything. So deleting the apps, but not necessarily not checking. Yeah, you can go on the internet. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I will speak to the cleanse because I took an a giant cleanse this year, and I am not one to cleanse as like as often as like Noelle does it. Like, I never really did that before. Um, I would do it maybe like for a couple days here and there, but this summer I was like, I just like think I really need a true cleanse. And I deleted Instagram and TikTok for four months. Maybe it was like a little weird and hard at first, but you are so right. Like, I eventually just like did not miss it whatsoever. I felt so at peace and so grounded and so just like focused on my own life. And I was dreading re-downloading it. And the reason I re-downloaded it was for this podcast. It was around the time when we were announcing the podcast. And I was like, okay, you know what, it's time. But I was like really, really sad about it. I was really scared about like, you know, losing this. It just felt like such a special time for myself.
SPEAKER_01:Like so disconnected.
SPEAKER_02:And I was really, really sad to re-download it. But I was like, you know what? I'm going to come, like, if you do a cleanse, you can come back to social media with more intention. And maybe I need to like re-evaluate that now. Now that it's been like probably four months. No, actually, it's been only like two or three, three, maybe three, since I like re-downloaded it. Maybe I need to re-evaluate like my intention. But I I remember like setting intentions when I re-downloaded it. And I was like, you know what? I'm doing this because I'm launching a podcast, and that's super exciting. And I want to be able to share things with people now. I'm like coming back with a better, like more clarity as a more grounded person. I will say I post a lot less ever since doing my cleanse. I feel like I used to post a lot in my story, and I don't as much anymore.
SPEAKER_01:I recently I've only been posting stuff about podcasts in a night of new acts.
SPEAKER_02:I feel like most of the stuff I post is about podcast and like, you know, personal stuff here and there. I'll share my food that I make or this and that. But like I'm posting so much less, which wasn't even necessarily my intention, but it just kind of happened naturally. Also, like I was like, I want to curate my feed with like things that inspire me rather than things that like drain me or like make me feel like I'm comparing myself and like block block people that or mute people that you don't want to see. Even if like they have done nothing wrong to you or you don't know them personally, but like if someone for some reason like makes you feel bad about yourself when you see them, block them. Just do it and make your feed a place where you can like draw inspiration from it.
SPEAKER_01:That's another thing. I started I unfollowing people that like I don't know. I was just like, why do I follow this person? Like someone I haven't spoken to in like 10 years and wouldn't even say hi to in a grocery store. Like, why? But then I started following more like educational accounts or like authors that I love, like other podcasters, people who yeah, inspire me rather than I think I unfollowed the Kardashians. Yeah, no did I. No hate to the Kardashians. Kim, if you're listening to this, um, but I might have fought unfollowed some of the others. Yeah, and it has nothing to do with them sucking. Like, I don't think they suck at all. I actually think they're interesting. But like I was just kind of like, why do I follow these, like this hot, perfect looking family that I've never met before?
SPEAKER_02:Like, what's the reason for you know seeing that on your feet? Like, what does unless it makes you feel good, then like why is it there? Yeah. Um, yeah, I think what you were saying, like following more educational accounts, like spiritual accounts, people that really inspire you, but not in a way where it's like I want her life, but more in a way where I don't know, they give you like snippets of insight and and things that motivate you. And like, I don't know, making your feed as much about that as you can has helped as well. Yeah. Um, obviously, with like TikTok, it's a little hard to control that because you can't really control what comes onto your for you page, but you can control who you follow and like what contact content content you interact with.
SPEAKER_01:So you can also control how long you scroll. Yes, even though it feels sometimes like you can't stop.
SPEAKER_02:And that was what another one I was gonna say. Something I do often when I do feel like I just want like a dose of scroll time, I will set a timer on my phone for like 10 or 20 minutes, 10, 15, 20. Usually I don't go above 20 to just like have a little bit of a rot scroll time. And then like once that time is up, I put it away. And it's like a boundary for yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I've actually never, I don't know if I've set a timer like that before, but that's a good idea. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And if it's like if you really struggle with that, there's also apps that you can download that will actually block you from being able to go on an app. So like you can set certain times. So, like I used to do this thing where like on Wednesdays or something, I would like block Instagram and TikTok and stuff, and like I couldn't, I physically can't like click on it. And like it's kind of hard to undo it. You have to like go into the blocking app and like undo a bunch of things. So, like, if the timer is not enough for you, like you can also set a block so you can like physically not go on the app.
SPEAKER_01:So that's something. I feel like I had something else that we didn't write down. What was it? Oh no, well, we did write this down, but also downloading games. Oh my god, wait. Yeah, how did I not talk about this? But okay, also it's like, or you could just like read a book or knit, like you know, but I'm like, you're still looking at your screen. However, I do think playing a game is probably way better for your brain than scrolling on social media.
SPEAKER_02:When I did my big cleanse, it was very daunting to me over the summer. I what I came up with for myself was to download games instead of, you know, when I felt the urge to like go on my phone, but not just like mindless games, but kind of like puzzle league games or things that are like brain exercises, but also like calming that I could play like on the train or at night. And it really like brought me a lot of peace and comfort. So if you feel like you need that like thing on your phone to do, like if you're trying to do a cleanse, playing games is a really good one. Didn't you have a game where you would like feed a cat or something? I played this game called Cats and Soup or something for a day, and I hated the game.
SPEAKER_01:I just remember this one day. This story is like funny because it's not funny, but Pete was going through a really hard time a couple months a few months ago when you deleted everything. And I just remember this one day I felt so like bad for you because you were sitting on the couch and you were like playing cat and soup or something, and you looked so depressed. And I just remember you sitting on I came out of the bathroom and you were just sitting on the couch and your head was held low and you just like weren't talking, and I just looked at your phone and you were playing whatever cat and soup game. Well, that game wasn't fun.
SPEAKER_02:I think I played it for like a day, but I found a game that I fell in love with. If you like puzzle games that are also like beautifully crafted, Monument Valley is what got me through the summer, but the music is incredible. I actually was like listening to the soundtrack beautifully crafted, like visually, musically, and then it's like really kind of like difficult, but like peaceful at the same time. Little puzzles. It's like this little girl, and you have to get through. It's kind of like a maze in a way. I don't know how to explain it. It's also something I would like. Monument Valley got me through that hard time. Shout out monument valley. Shout out monument valley.
SPEAKER_01:Wait, what is it? Monument? Monument. Oh, monument. That's what I thought at first, and then okay. I play a lot of Tetris. Um, I yeah, I hate Tetris, but you are a Tetris Queen. I am a Tetris Queen. I also love the New York Times games. Those don't get old. And those are good for your brain. Yeah, they are. Like it's yeah, that's good for you. Um is good for me.
SPEAKER_02:Also, like along those same lines, I think games are really good if you're like trying to do a cleanse and like need that like phone time. But like if you're not doing a cleanse and you just, you know, every day are trying to keep your scrolling to a minimum, I think having other activities, like for me, reading a book, like having a good book, kind of using that to replace my scroll time on my downtime, like during my day. For example, like when I'm on the train or like when I used to have a lot of downtime during work. Like now I kind of edit the podcast a lot. But true. Before I had like the task of working on one of my personal projects, I would try to read instead of just sit on my phone for hours, which is so much better for your brain.
SPEAKER_01:I will say I haven't been inspired to read the past few months. Like, I feel like I was kind of I don't know, it ebbs and flows, but I finally feel the urge to start reading again. It took a while. Like for a couple of months, I was like, ugh, I really don't feel like reading. But now um I'm about to read Eli Rallow's book, um, which is about having a quarter life crisis, which I feel like I'm in or having. So I'm like, this seems relatable, and now I'm really excited to start reading again. Like I'm actually thinking about how I want to sit in my bed and read, and I'm excited for it. I haven't felt excited to sit in my bed and read in a while, and I'm excited.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yay! Well, yay! Yeah, life weird. I also love reading nonfiction. I mean, fiction is wonderful too. I love nonfiction too. I get excited by nonfiction, and that's just my truth.
SPEAKER_01:I do too. I mean, most of the books I've read in the past couple of years have been uh nonfiction.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the only fiction books I read were like when we were doing book club. Yeah. I started a book club and it fell off, but maybe we'll start it off up again sometime. But like personally, I've just always read nonfiction. And then when we did book club, I started integrating fiction more into my reading rotation, and I do enjoy it, but like it doesn't excite me as much. Maybe I just haven't found the right fiction books, maybe the right stories. But like there's something about nonfiction because it just feels whether it's like a memoir or like a self-help type of book, or uh just like a educational like type of thing, spiritual, it is inspiring and it just puts you in a good mindset.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's how I feel about it as well. Yeah. Like I'm such a I'm actually like I'm staring at my bookshelf right now and I'm thinking about the books I've enjoyed versus haven't as much. And I I used to love reading books about acting, like different acting techniques and stuff, which I haven't read an acting book in a while, but I loved like those type of nonfiction books. Just like, yeah, informational on things that I cared about. I used to love sociology books. Like in college, I love um my feminism books, of course. Um, and yeah, the other ones like oh my god, Yes Please by Amy Polar, um, Tina Fay's book, just looking at my bookshelf. Is that my copy? That is your copy. Wait, yeah, why is it on my bookshelf like that? No, I want her back. Wait, I'll give it back. Did you finish it? No, I didn't finish it. I need to finish it.
SPEAKER_02:That's one of my favorite. Oh, so so good. I read it twice. The Creative Act by Rick Rubin.
SPEAKER_01:I have been, you know what? I actually still have a chapter of the Let Them Theory left too. Let them see why I'm like I've been bad at finishing books. What does that say about me?
SPEAKER_02:Attention span, social media. It's yeah, saying that I need to cut down social media. Um are there any other tips and tricks? I think that's everything I wrote down. Setting a timer, doing cleanses, downloading games, using an app lock, having other things to occupy yourself during downtime, and do not disturb. We need more human connection. And I think always like the more you just pour into your own life, the more fulfilled you'll be, and the less you'll care about what's on social media and the less inclined you'll be to like open the apps. Exactly. So everything about like self-care pours into each other, you know.
SPEAKER_01:That is very true. I feel it's the same way. Anytime I'm anxious about one thing, I get anxious about everything. Exactly. It's like all related and intertwined. Like, yeah, it's actually kind of crazy thing because I was so anxious the other day about like my love life, but then the same day I could not stop thinking about my future and my career and literally social media. It was like there were all of these things happening in my brain. It's a spiral. So I can't make any decisions, any big life decisions when I'm having an anxiety spiral. No one should actually, because it probably means that you're freaking out. Um, I don't know, I'm tired. You're not in a rational headspace. Exactly. You're not in a rational headspace. Yeah. We don't have any listener write-ins, do we? No. Guys, ask us questions. Wait, I'll I'll make up a listener write-in right now. Marissa and Noelle. Hey, it's Carl from Minnesota. I'm 33 years old. My wife of 10 years um just told me that she wants to have an open marriage. Oof. I have never um considered this before. I don't know how I feel. I like the idea. I don't mind the idea of her getting with a woman, but the idea of her getting with another man upsets me. What do you think? Oh, okay, Carl. Well, is your wife queer? Yeah. First of all, you didn't tell us that. Are you just saying that she wants she wanna sleep with a woman? Does she want to sleep with a woman, or are you just saying that?
SPEAKER_02:Like it's my take on open relationships is it is not gonna work if both people are not fully on board. Yeah. 100% like if it's not a hell yes for both people, then no, it's not gonna work. Sorry, you should break up.
SPEAKER_01:It's also weird when people are like when in straight relationships, a guy is like, well, she can make out with a girl, but not another guy.
SPEAKER_02:It's so like it's like, why is it less valid for her to make out with a girl?
SPEAKER_01:One of the less threatened valid and you're sexualizing both of them then. It's like, oh, girls making out with her. It's like, ew. Go away. Yeah. So, anyways, Carl, I think that you should think about why you're okay with an open relationship if it was only her with other women. And why are you not okay with it being a man? Do you feel like your masculinity is being threatened? Are you do you have some internalized homophobia? Well, no. That would be the other way.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I guess. But clearly, like a woman is giving her something that you can't give her. So when she's sleeping with another man, he's clearly giving her something that you could also give her, and that's probably threatening to you.
SPEAKER_01:Carl, have you found the clitoris yet? Because that could be a big reason why. Maybe, maybe you're not pleasing her.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, why does she find it somewhere else? Why does she want an open relationship? Is there another way you can spice it up in the bedroom? Is there what's the root of this? Um, but it sounds like you you're not so you're not so uh keen on the idea, so I don't think it's gonna work.
SPEAKER_01:No, it's not. You just gotta you guys have to open commu hello, you guys have to communicate openly. Okay, so that was our only listener write-in today. And it wasn't you thank you, Carl from Minnesota Carl from Minnesota. Um yeah, you guys can message us anytime. I'm like half asleep right now. Well, wake up. We gotta do the take home.
SPEAKER_02:So the take home take home is social media is a lot, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it because it's normal and like everyone does, I feel like. Yeah, I feel like even if those who don't say it or feel like they thrive off of social media, it's like it's not like our human brains aren't really meant to function that way. No, so it can be damaging for everyone. Know that what you're seeing of someone else's life is only like 5% of their life. You're seeing all the good stuff, the highlight reel. Try not to compare your life to other people.
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, another take home is you can limit your time. If you are feeling these, if you're feeling the negative effects of social media, you can uh limit your social media time. You can take a cleanse, you can download games, like we said, you can use our little tips and tricks.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I would really try it out. Even if like you don't think about social media as much as we do, like maybe you're not trying to pursue an artistic career, limiting it in any way, just try try some of the things we said because it it can really maybe it's affecting you more than you even know. True, you know, and like doing some of these things, you'll be like, Oh my god, I feel a lot more peace. I can breathe. Blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_03:I know you won't touch for life. If you love me, right, then who knows?
SPEAKER_02:Wrapping up the same way we started with Sabrina Carpenter.
SPEAKER_01:Sabrina Carpenter has big a been a big theme this episode. I feel like I mentioned her a few times. Oh, yeah, because we talked, we we were singing house tour. Then we were talking about her concerts. Mm-hmm. And now I feel like I mentioned her another time during the podcast, too. I did, but I don't remember what I said. But we'll find out when we re-watch it.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, guys. Um, thank you so much for listening. Follow us at Take It Home Pod um on all the platforms: Instagram, TikTok, all the places. Because of course, we're still artists out here trying to pursue our career. And sometimes social media is a part of that. So after us just telling you to take a cleanse, go follow us um before you do that. Yeah, follow us and then take your cleanse. And yeah, if you, you know, ever have an idea for an episode or listener write in, like Carl, feel free to DM us and we'll, you know, talk, talk about it on the podcast.
SPEAKER_01:You will be anonymous though. Carl wasn't anonymous today. I used his name, but unless you don't want to be anonymous. Wait, yeah, unless you're like, I have a question and use my name, then we will specify.
SPEAKER_02:Um subscribe so that our episodes show up in your feed or whatever. Every Thursday we release a new episode. So yeah, just do all you can. Give us a rating if you liked it. Five stars. And if you didn't like it, then it's okay.
SPEAKER_01:Don't rate it at all. Don't write a review, don't rate. And now goodbye. Goodbye. I love ya. Love ya. Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_02:Bye.
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