Relationship OCD & Healing Wounds: "I Can't Sleep Because of Steve"

With our busy schedules and various side quests, us roommates needed time to catch up. This week we're doing just that! No topic, no guided conversation, just a genuine roomie check in.

Sip of the Week: Orange Creamsicle-ade 

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Transcript

Intro

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey, I'm Noelle. And I'm Marissa, but Noelle calls me Pete.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

I do.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

And welcome back to Take It Home. Yay! We're back another week. Of course. And we're never stopping. We have a podcast. Yeah. And we do this every week. That's weird. It's kind of weird. I didn't know that. A year ago, I didn't know that. Well, actually, a year ago I did know. A year ago we had been in the works, yeah. But we hadn't released, we hadn't even filmed a sode yet. Yeah. I think we recorded our first sode in May. Mm-hmm. But it didn't come out until August. Why do I not even remember f filming our first sode? I remember doing a test. Like, do you remember we did a test and we moved, because we thought we were gonna do our like setup in our living room and we moved the couch over, like Holy shit in front of the mirror. Dude, I do remember that. That was like and then we like tested the audio and just talked for like 15 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. We did a test and then we did our first sode. And now we are here. And then we took a big hiatus because you went to Brazil. But we were like, everything was in the works. Yeah. We had like a couple of sods already pre-filmed before I went to Brazil. Sly. Anyway. Just reminiscing. Welcome back, you guys. Welcome back. And I don't know. I don't know. We just don't know either. Get into our sip. Yes, because I can't wait any longer to try this. Wait, how does it go? Sippy of the weakie. Sippy of the weakie. I made that up and now I can't remember when we were weird. Okay. So our sippy of the wiki today. It's like an orange creamsicle drink, which was my idea because I freaking love orange creamsicles. Um, but Pete looked up a recipe and got the ingredients. So we literally made orange juice from scratch. We used a little juicer. We got some oranges, squeezed them on up in the juicer. Shout out to my grandma who got me a juicer for my birthday because she listened to this podcast, and in one of our episodes, we were talking about how we should make juice more. I think it was when we made like our salted shake and lemonade thing that was so good. Oh my god. And I was like, we need to make more like juice concoctions and we should get a juicer. And my grandma gave me one for my birthday and it was just very sweet. So we just got a juicer, juiced a bunch of oranges. Ounges. So yeah, fresh squeezed orange juice. Then some coconut milk. Coconut milk from the can, which I've been noticing. If you buy it from the can and it's just like pure coconut milk, it is so creamy. Yeah. Like as opposed to getting it in like a carton, you know? Because and it has like additives and like water and stuff. No, we want that creamy cream. It's so creamy. And then I put cream of coconut in it, which is just like a coconut-based sweetener. That I don't know how good that is for you. Might have some like weird thing. But then um a dash of vanilla. Vanilla, and then we shook it on up. And then, oh yeah, salt. Can't make anything without salt these days. We like to put a pinch of salt in everything. I've been putting a pinch of salt in my coffee every single morning, too. Me too. Yeah, it's so good. Okay, let's try it. Cheers. Good. Eye contact. Eye contact. I have high expectations, so I'm scared. Okay. It's good. It kind of just tastes like orange juice, though. Okay. It's good, but it's just it could use some improvements. Yeah, it could use some improvements. One, I don't like which is this is ironic because I actually really love pulp, but I don't know if I like the pulp in this drink. Yeah, we should have put it through a fine mesh screen or not. We should have. We can definitely improve upon this. I'm wanting like more of the cream vibe. Like Yeah, there's not enough cream. You know what this needs? It needs like a cream top, like a cold foam. Yeah. Maybe we'll like do a part two because wait, we should do a part two for this drink. It'll be fun. Revamp it. But this is good. It's good. It's just not like as amazing as I want it to be. I feel like we've had some other sips that have been like, oh my god, like that salted lemonade. That was one of my favorites. The Brazilian lemonade. Brazilian lemonade. Oh my gosh. So I kind of felt like this one was gonna be up there with those because it's on theme with the like juice, creamy juice. Creamy juice. But it could use some improvements, but it's yummy. But we're gonna revisit this. Like, yeah, it's yummy, but it could use, yeah. Yeah. And I don't like the pulp either. I agree. Right? It's like I don't want pulp in my creaminess. Well, because yeah, when you are trying to have like a cream sickle vibe, you don't want pulp. You want it to be smooth. Mm-hmm. So next time we need to put it through a fine mesh strainer, get the pulp out. Then we need to amp up the like vanilla portion. Mm-hmm. Like maybe it needs some sort of like foam, like a cream, like a cold. It needs a cold foam. I want it to taste more ice creamy. I'm like, maybe I just want orange sorbet. Yeah, I want like orange sorbet in a drink form, like a melted orange sorbet. But again, this is it's good. It just needs some improvement. Could be better. Is this what chefs do? Yes, it is what chefs do. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that is what chefs do. Recipe testing. Yeah. Like testing a recipe and being like, okay, needs more this, needs less that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna keep doing it until they get it. Until it gets perfect. Wow. So we're chefs. We are, pretty much.

Smile of the Week

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Smile of the week, smile, smile of the week. Smile of the week, smile, smile of the week. That did not sound right. I know. That was like too slow and low. Smile of the week, smile, smile of the week. Smile of the week, smile, smile of the week. That was too fast. Whatever. Oh, I have a couple. Well, should you share them both? Can I share them both? Let me think. Yes. Oh my gosh, I get two smiles. Well, because I just I I will have two, too. Okay, I just have to mention both. Okay. One of my smiles is our friends Michaela and Spencer. Michaela has been on the podcast twice now. And they had a Seder for Passover at their, they hosted one on Thursday a few days ago, and it was so lovely. I wasn't expecting them to go like so full out. I just I didn't know what to expect. Because it was so last minute. I think they texted everyone like maybe on Monday, being like, Would you be able to do like a Passover Seder this day? So because it was so last minute, I didn't know I wasn't expecting like they went all out. We went in, they had little appetizers set out, tables, um with like tablecloths, and then they had all rinted tables and chairs, had all the Passover um things, and then they got catering from Katz's deli, which if you know if you know, you know. It's a famous deli here in New York, and it's amazing. Um and so they had all the things matzo ball soup, they had brisket, and they also made some things like some latkas, this carrot souffle, like it was just so fun. And there were potato canishes. Yes, and we drank wine, and it was nice to chat with some new people that I, you know, hadn't met before because I was seated next to some people that I didn't know, and that was nice, and catch up with some people I did know, and so I just had like a really great night. That's night number one. Number two is the day I had today. I had a day off. It's Saturday, it was like 70 and sunny earlier. I got up, I slept in because I needed it. I had like sleep debt because of that Seder. Yeah, seriously. I stayed up a little um later than I usually would, and then I had to work the next morning, so then I was just feeling really tired. And I slept till like 9:30, which is late for me these days. And then I got up, I still had like an hour and a half before I had to go anywhere. Made breakfast, made my coffee, just kind of chilled. I went to yoga at 11:30, which is an amazing time. Amazing time, yeah. To like go to yoga on a Saturday morning at 11:30. I walked there. Um, it was like very lovely outside, did the hot yoga class, and that the class was great in itself. Um, I loved the instructor. It was a very like feel-good kind of traditional flow. I decided that I was gonna take myself on a date after yoga, and I never do that because I'm always really disgusting after yoga, and I'm like, I need to immediately go home and shower. And I went and I walked to McCarran Park, which is a park in Williamsburg. And they have this um coffee shop right in the park, and I got a strawberry matcha latte with coconut milk. Coconut milk has some electrolytes, by the way. Something I learned today. Wait, coconut milk does? Yes, so coconut water is like very high in electrolytes and potassium and I think some magnesium. So I really wanted a coconut water matcha because I always need my electrolytes after I sweat in hot yoga, but they didn't have coconut water. So I got coconut milk just because that sounded good, but then I looked it up. I was like, does coconut milk have electrolytes? And it does, but not nearly as much as coconut water, but still some. So I sat at a park bench in the sun and drank my matcha and just had like a lovely day, and then I came home after some time and I got my taxes done. So like I had a very productive but also like restful day, and that's like the best convo com convo? Convo combo. So I had to mention today because the weather was beautiful, yeah. Well, that is a very lovely, amazing day. Yes, a very chill day, yeah. While also getting things done, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Well, love your smiles.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Well, my first smile, which was the original one I was gonna say, is yesterday I was babysitting for two separate families, both in park slope. Um, the first babysitting gig was 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. And the second one didn't start until 6 p.m. And I was like, oh, what am I gonna do in between? Um so I ended up taking myself on a little exploration date, and I just like walked all around park slope, which is so funny because I babysit there all the time, but I never explore because I literally just show up to babysit and then leave. And it's also normally in the evening um when I do go, but I walked around for an hour and a half, went to all these different stores, and it is so cute. Everything is giving like old-timey, like diner kind of vibes, like all these little hot dog and ice cream shops, and like it was just so cute. And I went to a little flower shop and um I bought this cute wrapping paper there with cats on it. And then I saw this sign that was like, what did it say? It just said like, come in, we are a store or something like that. And I was like, Whoa, what could this be? And I went in and it was this cool store owned by all these artists, so it was like a mix of an art gallery and a store, and it was giving like I felt like I was in Beetlejuice World or something. Like I felt like I had entered like a weird little, like a weird little land, but it was really cool and fun. And then I went to this antique store and I was just like living my best life. So I bought wrapping paper and then I bought a card both for Rodney Speedy. Um, I didn't buy myself anything because I was like, I probably shouldn't spend money right now, but it was still so much fun looking around. And there I saw so many cute restaurants too, and I was like, oh, I have so much I need to try. But it was just a lovely little day. That's so cute. So I guess that's smile number one. I guess your smile number two. I guess I'll copy you and say pass over. I also didn't realize until Michaela sent the like the group text that was like, We catered from Kat's Dally. I was like, wait, what? Because she made it seem well, one, she texted you and I in a group chat. So I kind of for a day thought, like, oh, this might just be me and Pete and Spencer and McKay, but um, but then Rodney called me and was like, Are you going to Passover? And I was like, Oh my gosh, yes, like maybe this will be more of a thing. And then we get there and it's this whole freaking like legit setup. Yeah. I was like, wait, what? You guys got catses catered and you rented tables and chairs. Like it was just so cute and so awesome. And I didn't know it was gonna be like that. So shout out to Spencer and Michaela. This was also my first Seder. Um yeah, yeah, first timer. I participated in one back in college. So I had my intro to Passover Seder, but it had been a while. And I learned I feel like I learned a lot every time. Yeah. Because, like, I mean, obviously I I like know the stories because you know, but it's cool to like know the origins of the traditions and did you remember dipping parsley into salt water? Oh, yeah, I definitely remember that and like all of the things that get like passed around that you do like before you have the big meal. Yeah, but what each thing like represents and and everything like that, I don't always remember. Um but yeah, I also awesome. I made um this matza chocolate toffee, which was a a hit. It was so good. It was it warmed my heart that everyone loved it. It was it was so good. I ate some last night again. Everyone was like, wow, this is so good. I was like, oh. And I decided to make it on a whim because they were like, bring wine or a dessert. And I was like, you know what? I want to try to make a like a Passover friendly dessert. And did you Google it? Like I actually found the recipe on the New York Times app. I paid for the subscription for the New York Times cooking app, which is really a good idea. If you like to cook a lot um and you are always looking for new recipe ideas, I'm one of those people I don't like to recycle through things too much. I'm always looking for something new to make. Yeah. Um I am always just making something random. But the New York Times app is really good for that because there's anything you could ever think of, like a recipe for it on there. I think it's like six dollars a month. Maybe I need to do that too. I'm always making the same things. Yeah, but sometimes, you know, you have something that works. Yeah, that's sure a few things I make a lot, like umjadra. You do, which, if you don't know, that's a Lebanese dish. And it's good. It's all it is, and the reason I make it so much is because it's very easy, but it's also so cheap. So those days where I want to like save some money, um, it's literally just lentils and caramelized onions. And you can cook it in water, or if you want it like to go the extra mile, you can cook it in like chicken broth um or any kind of broth. And then just salt and pepper and cumin. That's literally all it is. That's all it is. And it's it's so simple, but it's so good. And then if you want to like amp it up, well, this is my like non-negotiable, you have to eat it with plain Greek yogurt on top. Um, but if you want to like mix in lemon or you can put parsley on it, or you can put feta on it if you want to like amp it up. But if you're looking for a budget meal, lentils and caramelized onions, um, yeah. And it's good. Oh, and rice, obviously. Hello, rice goes in it too. But it's like more, it's more heavy on the lentil than the rice. Wait, I didn't even know there was rice in it. Yeah, the rice is like disguised in it because it's not like rice heavy, it's like more lentils, and then there's rice in it. Like dead out. You do it without rice, but it is like a very filling, very like satisfying cheap meal. That's one I make often. I'll do like chili a lot. Chili is a good one. The ones that I circle back to in seasons. Like come fall, I'm always making chili. You know? Come stone fruit season, which is coming up. I always make my nectarine salad. Oh, it hits. It's so good. You know what I'm excited for? Heirloom tomato season. And I can't wait to make my fave sal that is heirloom tomatoes, pian halloumi, mustard seed mustard seed dressing. So good. Basil. Yeah. I love like a lettuceless or like leafy greenless salad. Me too. I mean, I don't get me wrong, I love a leafy green salad. A leafy green salad too. But like a salad like that, where it's just like chunks of things that aren't that's how my nectarine one is. It's like uh what all goes in that? I do cucumber, tomato, shallot, chickpea, nectarine. Oh, and then birata on top. Yeah, and then the the dressing is just like a simple oh, and homemade croutons. That's another very crucial part. Always homemade sourdough and just um cut it in cubes and fry it up on the um stove with like olive oil, salt, pepper, and that's the the salad. And it's so good. Dressing is just like olive oil, lemon, a little bit of maple syrup, salt, pepper. You can put garlic maybe if you want to too. I think I've done garlic. If you're low fodmap, don't use garlic. True. People are gonna be like, what does that mean? It's so good. The nectarines, I freaking love the nectarine. And then you have like the crunch of the sourdough and the creaminess of the burrata, and then the freshness of the cucumber tomato, and then you have like protein with the chickpeas, which is like satisfying. I make it every year. It's so good. Well, I want a serving this year. Okay.

unknown 18:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Deal. Thank you. I was looking it up today literally. I was like, when is stone fruit season? It starts next month in May. Yes, and we need to make a stone fruit sip. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what could it be? Something with peaches. A peach. We could do like a peaches and cream. That would be good. Anything with cream. I know, yeah. Peaches and cream something. Or like cherries something. Yeah. Cherry something, but not red tart because then we'll be sleepy. True. Unless we're filming it right before bed. Yeah, then that's fine. Which we usually I feel like more often than not, we're filming at night anyway. Yeah, we are. It's like easier with our sked skedgies. True. I can't believe, dude, we have like actually kept up with this. I mean, I know I can believe it, obviously, because we're not quitters. Um, but like we've actually been doing this for like a year now. We haven't missed a week yet. No. Um, we never have. And that's crazy. I think that like, yeah, I was worried about the workload of it going into this this endeavor. But I think I've said this before, it got easier as it went along rather than harder. Because I came up with an editing schedule for myself. I got better and quicker at the editing process, and like also we used to sit down and like plan our episodes and like want to talk about this and this, throw back like that was a whole extra thing that we had to do that made it hard. And sometimes we will have more in-depth discussions before, just depending on what we're talking about. But I think we've just gotten better at talking and like knowing that we can carry the conversation without having to plan it. So also, I remember one time we had a talk where we were like, if we ever think a sode is bad, we won't put it out and we'll refilm it. And that hasn't happened. It hasn't. Knock on wood. And there are some sods I prefer over others that we put out there, just like ones that are that stand out to me. But none of them are like But none of them were bad. But yeah. Today's episode, we did this a couple months ago. Topic list. Bum bum bum. Just kind of a check-in with each other. Noel and I have been so busy recently in our lives. I'm so exhausted. That we don't really get a lot of time to just like really catch up and like really genuinely talk and like have quality time. We have our like passing moments and our TV time at night, but but TV time you can't like talk during. Yeah, and recently we've been so busy that we haven't really had a lot of TV time. We haven't, and that's when you know. And that's when you know, because we love to sewed. The origin of sod came from us calling watching the TV TV at night. Like we'd be like, Do you want to watch a sewed tonight? Literally. And then we sort of just saying, can we sewed? Yeah, can we sewed? Like it's it's a verb. Soding is a verb. Yeah, of course, our podcast episodes had to be called sods as well. Duh. And now and now here we are. Here we are. Soding for you. Yeah, today we're just gonna kind of talk and see where the conversation goes and flows.

This Week's Topic

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Wall, Pete, how have you been? I've been my roommate who I see every day. I know. I've actually been pretty good, I think. That's good. Yeah, I think I'm just like happy that it's spring. I was looking through my photos to see I do the same thing, but then I pull up a selfie that I took today on the street. Yeah. Um walking to yoga. But yeah, I have just been happy and excited about spring approaching and getting some nice days here and there. Mm-hmm. Have been giving me life. Um again, I just feel good. Like I've been really consistently moving my body, exercising, and we're coming up on the end of my spring break. Yes, as a 28-year-old, I still get spring break because that's a nice thing about nanny. Yes, because I'm a nanny. So the kids have been uh yeah, on spring break for the past two weeks. It's currently Saturday, Easter's tomorrow, and then I go back on Monday, and I'm excited to see them. But it has been very nice to just have like this extra time to myself. Like it truly so nice um to get things done. Um I mentioned a few episodes ago that I'm recording an audiobook and producing an audiobook. How's that going? It's going well, it's actually really fun. Um good, Pete. I'm enjoying it. Like, it's not something I dread doing. It's good. You know, sometimes you you'll do things because like you're good at them or it's like a source of income, but you don't really want to be doing it. Yeah. But I don't feel that way. Like I'm actually enjoying it. Again, I'm getting like better. I think I've recorded 10 chapters now. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How many are there again? 33. Okay. So I have a schedule for myself, four chapters a week. I'm trying to split it up um like two a day for two days out of the week, if that makes sense. Yeah. Um, but now that you know I've been doing it for a little bit, I'm getting like better at it, which is making the process easier, you know? Yeah, and I'm enjoying the book. I'm reading the book as I go. Is it good so far? And I really enjoy it. So that makes it that makes it good too, you know? It's like a book. I'm reading a book. This is something I'll say. There's more acting to it than I expected. Huh. Because like there's different characters, and some of the characters are nar like there's not just one narrator. There's like three different characters that you know the story kind of revolves around. Each chapter is through like a different character's lens. But then even within those chapters, there's like other characters, you know. It's been very interesting exploring, and I had I'm not like a huge audiobook person. I actually don't think I've ever like fully listened to an audiobook. Um I haven't. I'm more of a physical book person, but it's like something I can appreciate because you can't just like read everyone the same, but then you also can't be like a caricature. You have to find like a very happy medium of a change in tone or inflection or like a slight dialect. Um, because there are some different characters in this book that are from like different countries or different states and have like dialects. Um, and it's been really fun like playing around with that and just different tones, and yeah, I'm enjoying it and getting more like fulfillment out of it than I thought I would. So that's how that's going. I'm glad that it's fulfilling you, and you're not just like uh No, it's it's fun because that would be a lot of work to do for something you don't like. Exactly, exactly. Because it is it is time consuming. Um, so I have to record the entire book, which is predicted to be about 11 hours long, but each hour of the like finished hour of the recording is probably equivalent to each hour, it's probably doubled hours in work that it is actually finished hours, you know. Mm-hmm. So Well, you're an audio book, Pete. Yeah, it's really fun. I can't wait to listen to it. It's funny. I've been listening to the chapters like after I finish them just to like make sure it sounds good and everything, and it's I don't know. I'm just really having fun with it. So it'll be funny for like my friends to listen to it and stuff, you know. To hear Pete and I should play you some of it. Yeah, I would love to hear some of it. It's nice to have creative things ha going on, you know. It just I think I feel like fulfilled right now because it's like I always feel fulfilled when I have something I'm working toward. So, like obviously the podcast has been a huge part of that. Yes. Because that's been like an ongoing thing for me to constantly have like as an anchor in my week of like I can come back to this and have you know, and like constantly. Like I felt very fulfilled a few years ago um for a while when I was working on my album. Like it was just very fulfilling, and it I remember that it keeps your artist soul alive. And then when the album came out, I feel like I had a bit of a dry spell with like my creativity and whatever. I was focusing on other things. I was also starting nannying and getting my footing here in New York, and that's fine. You need phases to like focus on other areas of your life too. But I like missed that feeling. So um, it feels really nice to have the podcast, to have new songs I'm working on, to have the audiobook. Like you're doing a lot of shit right now. Yeah, I am, and it gives me purpose outside of just my jobs that I also love. But it just feels like my things, and I'm really excited to like I want to start writing again. Like once I once things calm down a bit for me, that's gonna be a priority. Like, I really want to write and write and write. Well, I want you to write and write and write. And maybe a new project will be on the horizon, but well, anyway. I just talked for so long. So I mean, I asked and you delivered. How are you doing? I'm like so extra tired right now. Like, I've just been tired as fuck the past few days. I think I'm burnt out, honestly. But I'm okay being burnt out. Like, I just had to wake up so early a few days and go to bed late. Like the one day that really got me that I feel like I'm still recovering from was Tuesday. I had to wake up to do a 6 a.m. yoga shift, and then I had to come back, and then I had therapy, and then after that, I had work from 1.30 to 5.30, and then I had to go back to yoga from like 6 to 9.30 p.m. And then oh my god, I forgot about this. Um, Rodney wanted me to go back to his cat, which honestly that wasn't a big deal because he paid me to Uber because it's the same as like if I get ready to go to bed and go into my bed, it's like I got ready to go to bed, took an Uber, and then went to bed there. I don't know, whatever. But point is I was tired and I've just had a lot going on.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

I had an audition this past week, one that I was nervous for, and it was fine.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

And I'm starting to pick up my auditions again too. Yeah, because I'm starting to see ones that are the thing for things that I actually would want to do. So I went to an audition this past week as well, and then I'm going to one on Tuesday too. Wait, which one are you going to on Tuesday? The Outsiders. Oh, good. Which I need to figure out what I'm singing for that. I have one on Friday. What are you doing? For Galileo. Oh. The musical. Um, which I need to figure out what I'm singing for. There's lots of I'm always I'm trying to check every day the sign-ups. You need to audition for um Tangled. Apparently, Tangled is coming to Broadway. Oh, wait, I saw that. I thought I figured I assumed that was like Disney World. No, I'm pretty sure that that's like a workshop for you need to do that. I love Tangled. 7 a.m. the usual morning lineup. Tangled is like one of my favorite Disney movies. Really? Yeah, it's so good. It is good. I haven't watched it in a while. Anyway, auditions. Auditions are going well. Auditions are going well. And the weather's been nice. Pete and I have been watching The Office, which makes me so happy because she's never seen it all the way through. And what do you think? Jim and Karen are dating right now. What do you think about that piece? Well, it's frustrating. Obviously, I know. Spoiler alert, Jim and Pam up end up together. I think everyone knows that. Yeah. Um, and I haven't even seen it all the way. Oh, but um you haven't seen the um beach episode. No, I guess I haven't. I don't know what that means. Um, so many good things coming in the future for you to see. But it's good. I mean, I've always loved The Office from what I've seen of it. I've watched a lot of episodes like out of order here and there, but I never watched it all the way through. And it's one of Noelle's favorite shows. So it's it was nice because we were watching Ozark, so we like so it feels nice to be watching a comedy right now. We also did start watching Rooster. Um we only watched one episode so far. I didn't love the first episode, I didn't love it either. But I feel like maybe if we keep watching it, it'll get better. The other night I was on TikTok before bed, and you know what's funny? Not funny, but I was like, I should really brick my phone. For those of you who don't know, brick is the best invention ever. It's a little magnet you can put on your fridge, and when you tap your phone against it, all of your social media turns off, and the only way to turn it back on is to tap it again. So it's like when you're in bed and stuff, you don't really want to get up to tap your phone. Um, so anyways, I was like, I should brick my phone before I go to bed tonight. And then I didn't on purpose, which is so self-sabotaging of me. So so what is so which is so self-sab, I don't know. But um, I was like, you know what, I'm kind of in the mood to scroll. And so I watched TikToks before bed, which isn't I know that's not good for me. And I saw this TikTok that triggered my OCD and it made me anxious, and then I couldn't really sleep very well that night, which is another reason why I think I'm extra exhausted this week. And that is why you should do the right thing and brick your phone before bed. I literally I was like, of course, this one TikTok came up that just like made me spiral about my life, and it just really wasn't worth it to wait up and scroll. Isn't it crazy how like one thing that you see can trigger something and like change your whole I that's what's so dangerous about social media? It was this TikTok of this girl being like, if your boyfriend walks in front of you, what I knew that's the TikTok you were talking about. Wait, really? You saw that one? Mm-hmm. It was like I actually know the time you were talking about too when you were wearing heels. Yep. I know, I knew it. Yeah, and all all of the same videos show up on our phone, and I was like, Oh, I hope Noel doesn't see that one. I did, and it triggered my ROCD, relationship OCD. Um, and Loki it w it wasn't great. I mean, I didn't like lash out or anything, but I was freaking out in my head for a while, just thinking, it's like ladies, if your boyfriend walks in front of you and not next to you, dump him. I understand what this girl was saying, but for people like who have brains like me, it's not healthy, especially being in a healthy relationship. Like there are times when Rodney has walked ahead of me, but for the most part, he okay, the the point, okay. Now I'm literally feeding into the anxiety because I'm like, whatever. But I just go into this spiral and I'm like, he's walked in front of me before, but like it's not all the time. And like normally he walks next to me and holds my hand, but what if sometimes he does walk in front of me? Like, but normally it's just when he's in a rush or when we're in a rush, and that one time I was wearing heels and like we had somewhere to be pretty much I was like up late, and I literally ended up texting him because I was like, this is an anxious spiral, this is not like a valid thing. I texted him and I was like, Steve is bothering me. Steve is the name of my OCD, and Rodney is always like, fuck Steve. But I was like, Steve is I was like, I literally just told him, I was like, I just saw a TikTok and it told me that if my boyfriend walks in front of me, he doesn't love me. And Rodney was like, Okay, well, if there are times when I've walked in front of you, it's literally just because either like the sidewalks are like really narrow, or like if it's just like we're running late to something, and he was like, and I promise you it has nothing to do with how much I love you. And I was like, Okay, but then I just kind of started freaking out and just went down this spiral, and I just wish I had not seen that TikTok because then this would not be something that would I would even think about. Right, and that's what's oh, that's what's hard about social media is like you just can't control always. I mean, there are some things you can do about having like boundaries and parameters for like the people you follow and whatever, but like that TikTok in itself is dangerous because of the for you page. Like you can't really control what's coming up because it's not just the people you follow. So especially people with anxiety and OCD, actually everybody. I wish that either TikToks like that, maybe for well, I don't really think they're healthy for anybody, actually. Because like I will say, I don't struggle with the same things you do and the thought patterns, but things like that will get me too. Yeah. Like it just makes you see things in a different like I well originally what I was gonna say is I wish TikToks would that like that wouldn't make me anxious and would either make me think like, um, oh, this makes me realize my boyfriend's a dick and I need to break up with him, which I don't feel, or other option, like, oh, this TikTok is silly. Like, my boyfriend walks in front of me sometimes, but it has nothing to do with how much he loves me. Like, you know, it's just like it it makes me start to think. And my big thing with OCD that I'm working through in therapy, which I think I've talked actually, I don't think I've talked about this on the podcast. I don't do the whole like hitting my head a few times, or I did used to like knock on wood and stuff, but I ruminate a lot, which is like a big part of OCD, and it's trying to find a solution to every single problem. So it's like that's why one thing, like I compare myself to other relationships, like, and I don't always talk about things out loud, but I'll think them in my brain. Like the other night, I just go through this whole spiral where I'm like, okay, does this couple that I know, like, does he walk in front of her? And like, okay, and like they're a cute couple, so like it's fine, like, bro. And it just like this whole spiral until I like find some kind of quote unquote solution that doesn't actually exist, and that's like the whole thing, and that's why it's good to just be like, that's Steve talking to me, and Steve is trying to freak me out. Um, yeah, and I think it's good that you talk to Rodney about it when it happens too. Yeah, because you could so easily harbor that for the most part. I mean, there probably are things that are unnecessary to communicate with him because it's like, okay, what is an anxious thought spiral that he could like help me with? And then when does it become like I'm putting my problems on? Right, right, which I don't want to do, which normally I wouldn't have even texted him. Like, uh, we already said goodnight too. Like, we were like, goodnight. And then like 30 minutes later, I texted him and I was like, maybe it was like an hour later, I texted him and I was like, um, I can't sleep because of Steve. And he was like, What is Steve saying? And I was like, Steve is saying that if my boyfriend walks in front of me, he doesn't love me. And he was like, uh, which like yeah, and we walk, we hold hands also like all the time when we walk. Like, I so I'm thinking of like the and not every couple does that also. Like, I think that I don't want to be like, no, we're good because we hold hands when we walk. Because also you can be good and not hold hands when you walk. Like, every couple is different, whatever, blah blah blah. None of this matters. That's so funny that you watched that TikTok though, and you were like, I hope no other isn't. And then when you were talking about it, I was like, I wonder if it's that one about walking in front. But um Do you think that your OCD manifests in any other type of relationship, or do you think it's just romantic relationships? I think sometimes, uh definitely mainly romantic because that's like where your trauma is. Where my trauma is, and like, yeah, but I think may it depends on like how I'm doing. I will say, I also told Rodney this too. I was like, when I'm sleep deprived and like kind of exhausted, my anxiety just like flares up always. And so I mentioned that too. I was like, I'm like not sleeping enough this week, and when I don't get good sleep, then like my brain just isn't really working properly, and I start like like sleep is the root of everything. It is like seriously, like sometimes I get that way with my friends where I think like, did I do something wrong? Like, do my friends hate me? But it's not like to a point where I'm like need to actually get like verbal reassurance assurance. I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, I'm a bad friend, I'm a bad daughter. Like, I don't know. I don't know if that's OCD though, or if that's just like normal, normal. Right. I feel like everyone to some extent. That yeah, that doesn't sound like the same spirals that you have with like Rodney or other past like relations uh romantic relationships. I definitely feel secure in my friendships. Like I'm not worried about like my therapist and I talked, we've got down to the root cause. Like, because she'll ask me, like, for example, this is how my therapist would have handled this situation, and I'll probably tell her about it on Tuesday. Be like, I saw this TikTok and I'm like, if I were in a spiral and talking to her, I'd be like, I saw this TikTok and I'm freaking out. And like, I think, like, you know, for the most part, Jared walks with me and he holds my hand, but there are times when he's walked in front of me and like when we have some like he can walk really fast, and like, but normally it's just and like pretty much I'm trying to like find the solution where I'm like, but he does this too, and this, and this means this. And my therapist would like probably tell me, like, to stop, like, literally thinking this through, like, you're not gonna find whatever answer you're seeking, which like easier said than done. But pretty much like she asks me questions to like get kind of to the bottom of it, like, and okay, like what if Rodney does walk in front of you? Then what does that mean? And I'm like, Well, according to this TikTok, it means that he doesn't love me. And she's like, Well, what if he doesn't love you? And I'm like, then that is really sad and scary, and I can't have a boyfriend who doesn't love me. She's like, Okay, then what if he doesn't love you and then you have to break up? And I'm like, then I'm heartbroken and really sad. She's like, and what if your heart broke? And like we just keep going, and it's kind of trying to find this root cause fear, which Loki pretty much everybody has at this point. Yeah, like everybody's scared of getting hurt, everybody's scared. Some people it's worse than others, but I think like Loki being in love is kind of terrifying. Yeah. But it's also for the most part, it's like, hee, awesome. But then when I get those anxious thoughts, then it's like really scary because I'm like, wait, do I need to reevaluate my whole relationship? So she says, What if you're heartbroken? The root is literally just like essentially being heartbroken and sad, like, and like losing him. Like the fear of that. Yeah. So that's the root. You don't think there's anything underneath that? Like, probably. Like, I don't know. Like fear of being alone, yeah, rejection. Fear of rejection, maybe, like fear of, yeah, I definitely have a fear of rejection. Okay, speaking of like the fear of rejection, there is this person no longer in my life that by really opened up, I think, a wound that I've had from my childhood regarding like romantic relationships and being chosen and being like, yeah, I guess like chosen. Nothing crazy happened, but because I was so young, I think, like, oh, the heartbreak, you know, like oh, this person I have a crush on, like, just broke up with me. So that's where it started, but it's not, you know. But then in high school it got a little more serious, where whatever, these still these things still happen to me as a child, and like they they wound you and they leave you with things. There's like this wound of like acceptance or rejection, even on such a small scale from when I was like a child that has repeated in my life. Yep. And so it's like, how do I work through that? You know, I mean, I think I have to some extent, but how do you like fix a childhood wound? I will say it's different when you like have to deal. Not you, I feel it. I don't want to sound like it's different when you get in a relationship. Cause I don't mean it like that, but I've dealt with the same things where like I had a lot of wounds from men, and then like thought like, okay, like I am not interested in any of these men anymore. I moved on. But then like When you start to know somebody else and start like with someone else. Yeah, because it's like, wait, what if this person does the same things to me? I think it's just different when another person comes into your life. Cause when you're single, you don't have to you don't have anyone to disappoint you, really. Yeah, but I guess. It's like up until almost a year ago-ish, I was very just like I wear my heart on my sleeve, like very open. And I don't necessarily feel that way right now. Like I feel very I'm like so uninterested in like dating right now because I'm like, I don't need someone marching on up in my life, probably initiating it. Probably. And then like fucking ruining my life and destroying my peace, you know? And having they will ruin your life. Literally, and having to heal again for like an entire year from something. Like, I really don't want to do that. But it's just interesting to think about like, I have healed so much deeper, like as a person. Like, I do think sometimes people come into your life to like teach you a lesson. Maybe this person, you know, there was something we needed to teach each other. And even if it was painful, whatever, like obviously this happened, and then I realized, oh, I have this wound, and it's like helping me to work on that and whatever, and like raise my standards and like not let things so many things slide like in the future. So I think also being aware of things is good. Like, you're lucky you're a self-aware person. I think like if I hadn't, if I wasn't self-aware, I would maybe like take this. Like, I could have gotten like mad at him the other night from out of nowhere and been like, why do you walk in front of me sometime? Like that one time you like walked in front, but instead I like being able to be like, okay, this is Steve, and being able to tell Rodney and be like, Steve is bothering me tonight, which sounds it sounds so silly, but like it really is so helpful to like name those thoughts and stuff and make it separate from you and your actual situation. Yeah. And we are very self-aware. Yeah. And it's like we're sitting here talking about these things from a perspective of like, I can notice like what's going on in my example. Exactly. But it doesn't make it easier. I mean, maybe it makes it easier. I think it makes it, it makes it like I don't know what the word is. What I was trying to say is like, I think that even if wounds do come out when you do find a person and you're in a relationship, like you'll know what they stem from. Like, you're not gonna be like, you're cheating on me. Like, I don't know where I'm thinking that. Like, you'll be like, if you get some kind of inkling of that for literally no reason or something like that, like you can be like, okay, that's because of a past wound. Yeah, well, and here's the thing too: there's a difference of this is a wound, and I'm being triggered, and it's coming from me and my problems, versus this person is actually acting in a way that I that hurts me and that I don't want. Yeah. So it's like also differentiating between those two things because I feel like that's an important distinction too. Um, knowing when it's like your issue and when it's actually an issue, you know. So I'm hoping that like you said, I will be more aware of the issues that are my issues. Because I'll understand the roots of my wounds. Exactly. And then I'll also be able to understand when it's something I don't just don't want in the other person. Because oh, this person did this and it makes me like, you know, that's not what I'm looking for. Yeah. So I think that's like a super important distinction too, and like cutting things off sooner when you realize those like red flags. Yeah. Because it ain't worth it, though. Yeah, red flags are, you know, red flags are red flags. They are for a reason. The longer you let them go on, it's hard because then you grow closer to that person, and then you just are caught in a a trap. Yep. Because it's like, well, now I don't want to, you know, do and things because I feel things for you. Yeah, it's just like hard. I will share a story that I actually don't think I've told anybody, but like a few weeks ago, it's another story with Rodney where Loki, like, I was being a little crazy, isn't a good word to use. But I I was Steve was telling me things for no reason. And so like Rodney and I were sitting next to each other, and like he was on his phone, and this is such a specific thing, but I was like, what's your Instagram for you page? What's your Instagram? Like, what is that called? Not your for you page, but your like explore page page page page.

SPEAKER_00 48:48

Like I was like, explore.

SPEAKER_01 48:49

I was like kind of half joking, but I was like, wait, what's on your discover page? Like, is it hot girl? Like, I don't know, just something, but I was like, wait, in my brain, I was actually like, are there like hot girls on his Discover page? Like, what if it's just filled with hot girls? Like, I don't know. And I was like, wait, can I see your Discover page? And he was like, no, like because he knew that I was being like, What, like, what is your discover page out of nowhere? Nothing triggered this. And then, but then he didn't want to show it to me. It wasn't like a thing, he was just like, no, like the it's fine, there's nothing weird on my discover page. And I was like, okay, but then I was thinking about it because then I was like, why isn't he showing me? Like, that's weird, that's sketchy. And so I asked him, I was like being kind of weird, and I was like, Why won't you show me your Discover page? Like that, like, why won't you show me? And he was like, Because like it feels a little surveillance-y, Noelle. And I was like, Oh, like sorry. And then he like he was kind of like, and then he like got out his phone and showed me, and then I was like, no, no, no, like you're right, I don't want to see it. And then, but he like showed it to me. It was literally like nerd stuff. Like, there is not a and even if there are hot girls, it's like it's the it's not like he chose it. Like, I I will say the Instagram, what is what is it called? It is uh explore page, discover page is so sensitive. Do you know what I mean? Like, I will view like one post of Ariana Grande, and then I go onto my explore page and it's like every fucking thing is Ariana Grande, and you're like, yeah. Or I look at one video of like avocado toast and then I go in and every single thing is avocado toast. I kid you not, like go look at like one picture of something random, or maybe like a few, and then go on your explore page and you'll it'll all be there. Um but Rodney, I actually like started sobbing from Rodney's response in a good way. Cause after he like showed me, I was like, no, no, no, like you're right. I have actually no reason to think this, like I and I knew that too. Like, there wasn't an inkling in my brain that was like, he's cheating on me, like he's flirting with girls. I like I don't know where this came from. I was just kind of like, I are hot girls showing up and like you're viewing their pro like whatever. Oh, and so like then he he like kind of was like, okay, like fine, this is my discover page. And I was like, no, no, no, like you don't need to show me. And he did, and I was like, he was like, see, it's just literally, it was like audition notices and like the news and like stuff about Ukraine. Like, and then I was just like, okay, and I was like, I'm sorry. And then he was, and then he like like put his phone away and he like took my hands and he looked at me and he was like, I just want to say this because I feel like this is stemming from like some kind of insecurity or like something right now. Like, I love you, and I'm not looking for an out in our relationship. Like, I'm not I don't know like if you just need to hear this. Like, I'm not looking for other girls to talk to. Like, I'm not looking for a way out of this relationship, and like you can just trust me on that. And then I just like started sobbing. And it was just really like what I needed to hear, honestly, because I was like, oh, he's not being like I mean, at first, like he was like, Noelle, like you're being surveillancy, you don't need to see what I'm looking at on Instagram, but then he was like, he kind of realized like where it was stemming from and like told me I didn't even say that. Like, I wasn't like I'm feeling insecure. It was really sweet, and I was like, I was just sobbing, and I was like, wait, you're amazing for saying that. Like, I don't know. I feel like, yeah, I don't know if I've told people about that, but it was like really sweet and special. I don't know if he realizes how nice it was either. I was like, he's like noticing something annoying that I did, and instead of being like, Oh my god, my girlfriend's being crazy or whatever, he's like, Hey, like it's okay. I'm not looking to flirt with other girls. Yeah. And like, I love you, and like, yeah, I want to be with you. And it was really sweet. It's good that y'all are both self-aware. We are, and aware, I guess in general, like emotionally, that he could tell where that was stemming from from you, and you can tell where it's stemming from in you, and yeah. Also that he didn't just like give in to showing like the fact because like, yeah, trust in a relationship is important, and you don't want to feel surveillanced and I know, like that that's an unhealthy, like a little bit of toxic dynamic that you don't want to start. And that's I felt toxic as soon as he was like, like, because I was half kidding when I was like, show me, but then when he said no, that's when my brain was kind of like, wait, why no, though? The fuck? But like in his brain, it was because he was like, Because you're being surveillancy, like, I don't need to show you what's on my phone, like there's nothing like he's like, you should just trust me, but I'm like, I don't know, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

But the point is, it was sweet, and it's good to have good communication.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

Yeah, and I I feel like we do for the most part, and it's it but it's hard working through we like random little insecurities and stuff like that. But I think it's important to be with someone who like tries to understand you, you know, and is like helpful with it and not just like judgmental, yeah. Not I mean that's like the bare minimum dating someone who's not judgmental of you, but like other people for like your own stuff coming up or like your own triggers, but you want to feel safe communicating them to that person because I feel like harboring it all isn't good. So you need someone who's like not gonna get defensive and understand yeah, that things aren't personal. Everyone's like everyone's got wounds and childhood trauma, or not even just childhood, I guess like just dating trauma, dating things, and if you don't consider yourself lucky, yeah, consider yourself very lucky. Um because what the hell? It's interesting. But you and I even talk about how we have the opposite of daddy issues, but then it's like I we both grew up thinking like men are awesome. My dad treats my mom so well, yay! And then the older you get, the more I've kind of been like, damn, a lot of these men are not like my dad. Yeah, and I think there are, it's just like they're rare. They are honestly like they are and talk to any woman ever. They've been hurt by some man doing something weird or hurtful or inconsiderate or yeah, and it's not like no one's perfect. Obviously, people are going to have moments of being inconsiderate or whatever, but yeah, the big things like so many men cheat, so many men don't want anything serious. I can't. Or dude, fucking Frank Moot for like three years. Yeah. You uh dude, when he would randomly come back into my life and be like, literally, we didn't talk for a year, and he's like, I haven't stopped thinking about you this whole year. Wait, did you ever talk about the most recent time that he on the podcast that he reached out to? Yes. I don't know if I did. Y'all, okay, I I talk about Frank Moot a lot. That's not his real name.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

It's because he uses the words Frank and Moot more than the average person. Um, so Claire one day was like, she was just like, I'm changing his name in your phone, and she changed it to Frank Moot. Because Claire is just to be Frank. Yeah, he's like, he'll always be like, to be Frank, um, this just feels moop or not feel, this is just moot. Like, I don't know. And Claire was like, Frank moot, and I was like, true.

SPEAKER_01 56:52

Um, but I wonder if he's ever listened to this podcast. I don't know. There's low-key world in which he has because he doesn't have social media, but he's one of those people that like somehow stays stalking. Like, I think that's what what with his like major in grad school right now or something, he does a lot of like stuff with like the media, and I feel like he stalks people a lot. Frank Moot, if you're listening to this, hey, I hope you're doing well. If you know who you are. Yeah, I feel like he has to know. Maybe he does maybe he doesn't. I don't know. Um, but anyways, Frank Moot was this guy, we were like off and on for like three years, but we were never even really on. Like we never were exclusive, we never labeled anything. It was more just like I was like dying to be something more with him. I realized the other day, I was like, that was all limerence. If you guys don't know about limerence, it's pretty much like just lusting for someone and like thinking, there was literally a day when I was like, I'm I love him. No, I didn't. The heightened hormones of not getting what you want for from them fully, so you don't feel safe in it. So then anytime you do get something, it's like a dopamine hit. Yeah, I did not love him. I thought I did for like a day because we hadn't talked in like months, and then suddenly he texted me. We were having a deep conversation, and I was like, I love him. No, I don't. I barely know him. Like thinking about it really, like, I don't know, whatever. So, anyways, we were off and on. He was always emotionally unavailable, blah, blah, blah. And he always knew that I really, really liked him and wanted to be something more. The last time he reached out to me, he texted me out of the blue. It was like last June. Um, now if he's listening to the podcast, he'll know it's him. He randomly texted me and was just like, hey, and of course, I'm like, Frank Moot, he's finally, he's finally back, and he's ready to tell me that he's he can finally be with me. Yeah. Is that what it was you were feeling? Kinda. Oh my god. But I was like, I didn't want to say that. This was like last this was like well, actually, maybe I didn't think it that time. No, well, maybe a little, but not really. There had been times in the past when he would text me out of the blue, and I'd be like, oh my god. This time he texted me, and I was like, at first I was like, ha. Like didn't care, but then I think I was disappointed. So maybe I wasn't like, he's finally ready to be with me, but I was very That's what maybe you were expecting. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. So why else would he be texting you? But um yeah, turns out then he was like, I just feel like we have such great chemistry, and like we should hook up. And I was like, Hello, and I was like, it just made me feel like shit. Yeah, like, and I literally talked in that is so weird. We hadn't been talking, we hadn't talked in months, and also like if you're my dad, close your ears. We've only like been quote unquote intimate one time out of those three years, so it's not like there was no relationship wasn't very sexual, no, it was all like this like like having deep conversations and I don't know, it was weird. And like so, I was like, What do you mean? He was the one who like got scared and couldn't commit because that's a good impression of him. Literally, that's him in my brain, like, well, are are we friends? Are we are we cosplaying as friends? He would piss me off so bad. Yeah, my friends started like dating him. He would always have that conversation prematurely. It's like you guys were just dating, you could have just like dated, been having fun. Oh my god, my laptop's gonna die soon. Um, but no. So, but no. So, yeah, then he pretty much texted me and was like, we should hook up. And I was like, I sent him a voice memo back actually, because I was like, I want him to hear my words. I was like, hey, like, I'm not mad, but like honestly, my feelings are hurt because you know that I've always like really, really liked you and wanted to be something more. And the fact that you're just texting me out of the blue at like 11 p.m. Like on a random night, saying you want to hook up just feels like very hurtful, like whatever. And he like apologized, and then he was like, I have like a whatever, pretty much saying like he had opinions on it too, and like a side to why he was saying that. And I was like, Well, would you like to tell me what it is? And he was like, No, I feel like it won't make anything better right now, and I was like, Okay, and I was like, Well, if you feel like you want to tell me your side, you can tell me. And I haven't heard from him since that was like almost a year ago. And literally, I remember that was right before Brazil, and I was like, fuck, now I'm gonna be sad in Brazil. I wasn't. I like fully, I think that was like my last. I was like, that's what I needed to let go and move on from freak moot. And shortly after that, Rodney entered my life. Yeah, so it was like kind of like perfect time. I mean symbolism, at least. Yeah, I was like letting go. I was finally like, no, I'm not gonna hook up with him. I think like years ago, I mean three years ago, literally, um, there was a time when like he didn't want to be anything, and I was like, okay, well, I don't think I can just like be hookup buddies. And literally, I was like, I changed my mind like a week later, which we still hadn't even really hooked up, but a week later I was like, actually, I think I can date casually. We should try to do casual. Don't ever do that. That's not what I wanted. I genuinely I remember thinking in my brain, like, well, if we keep dating casually, like eventually, like he'll have to give in. No, hey, people listening to the podcast don't do that. People listening, what you see is likely what you get. Believe people when they tell you things seriously want, yeah. Seriously. I'm just like, wow, like he told me he didn't want that, and I thought I could change his mind like multiple times, and then I couldn't. And then, like, thank God he texted me that though. Like, ick. Ick, it gave me the major ick. I was like, not you wanting to hook up with me, hello? I mean, like, obviously, but like, but and then in the blue after not talking and after all that weird back and forth in his tonsil stones. Wait, no, if he's listening to this, I'll feel bad. When Noelle and him broke up, he smelled really bad.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:19

I almost like feel bad leaving that in. I'm like, what if he listens to this and he gets really upset?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:24

He's not gonna listen to this.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

Okay, yeah, you're probably right.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:27

I can cut it out if you want me to, though. I don't know. Anyways, like, yeah. It smelled weird.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:35

Like, I do I Googled scent after because I was like, What did you Google? Like, please, what did you Google? I think I Googled like rancid. Like rancid, like sour smells like throwing it. It was like tonsil stones, and then I was like, oh, that makes sense because he's been sick, he probably told you, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

Yeah. You were talking about it, and you were like, he smelled really weird, like really bad, but like not in a like body odor way. And I was like, Did he have tonsil stones? I've just heard that they smell really and I remember hearing him once. He like went to the bathroom in our apartment, and I could hear him in there going, so like I think he might and that didn't give you the ick. No, oh my god, it didn't. Nope. That would ike me out so bad. You didn't even get the ick after he smelled like tonsil stones.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:35

I did a little, but then for some reason I was like, he'll change, he'll smell better, he'll get his note.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:41

No, they will never smell better, they will never change. Yeah. Yeah. That was But I actually do believe people can change, I will say. But like only if they work on themselves and want to work on himself. You can tell when a person is working on themselves or not, and a lot of people will stay the same, but I do believe people can change. They it just takes a lot of work, dude. So especially like if they're literally telling, like, he was not interested in changing. Yeah. I remember I didn't talk to him for like literally a year, and he still hadn't gone to therapy. And the first time we broke up, he was like, I just really need therapy. All my friends told me I need therapy. Like, I know I need it. A year later, still hasn't gone to therapy, still emotionally unavailable. I was like, Are you fucking serious? Like, yeah, that's you still haven't gone to therapy. And then he's like, This isn't valid. He was saying, like, I can't afford it, it's expensive. And I was like, Okay, fair, I guess. But like also There are other things you can do to work on yourself too. Yeah. Obviously, nothing is really a replacement for therapy. Coming from someone who's never done therapy. Which is crazy. Which is crazy. I don't know if I've ever talked about that on the podcast. But I've never been to therapy. I never have. But you journal, you I do work on your mentality. In other ways. And I I don't know. It's not that I have nothing against I think everyone should do therapy. I like kind of want to do it just to do it and see like if I can get deeper into my inner world. There are also a lot. I just it is expensive. Yeah, and it's like, I don't know, I just haven't really taken the leap to do it. But I've had some like mediocre therapists too. Like, I I mean a couple sides ago I talked about the bad one I had. Go listen to the women issues episode. But like I've also had some that just like would be like, mmm, yeah, that's hard. Like, and I'm like, okay, can you give me some more insight? I love my current therapist. She asks me so many questions. She like helps me get to the bottom of things. Like, she's really helping me with my ruminating a lot. I would need someone who like talks because I don't know. I think there's some people who need to just be able to talk out their feelings, but it's like I'm too self-aware for that. Yeah. I will talk and tell you like what's going on with me. Like, I don't need that. I have my outlets of talking. I'm yeah. I need someone to like help me break things down and like question, yeah. Like you said, question things. Like, I need someone to like low-key, give me advice. Yeah. I know sometimes they're not supposed to like give advice. I don't know. I don't really know. Yeah. Like sometimes I guess it depends on what it is. I remember my therapist that made me block Elizabeth's pizza manager. That was like one time where she she didn't normally give advice. She would also ask me questions, but that's when she was like, This is like an older man who's scary and you need to block him on everything and never talk to him again. And I was like, Oh, okay. But with other guys and people, she'd be like, Okay, and like, what did I don't know? I can't think of an example. That was so long ago. But asking, I like when therapists ask questions because it makes you think. Yeah. But then actually, funny enough, I told my therapist recently, like, one thing, like, I s I judge myself in therapy a lot because I'm talking about things I wouldn't well, I mean, I like tell Pete everything. I tell my therapist too, but just like, like, if I was like, uh, like, yeah, I wanted to see Rodney's like Instagram page, like, I'd be like, uh, like, do you think I'm a toxic girlfriend? Like, I don't know, whatever. Like, thinking therapists are gonna be like, Noelle is toxic, like blah, blah, blah. And I would like talk to her about that. I was like, any sometimes when you ask me questions, like, okay, and like, did like, I can't think of an example. But sometimes when she asks me questions, I'm like, are you judging me? And she's not. It's literally their job, and they've probably heard so many worse things. Literally, I know therapists are literally their job is to listen to like your demons. Yeah, and they do. And yeah, it's supposed to be a safe space, yeah, and it is, or it should be. It should be. Well, I feel like we end up talking about Frank Moot a lot on here. I mean, it's just such a meme. It is a meme, and it took up so much brain space. Yeah, it was a big part of your life in a way. Yeah. Like, yeah. Damn. It's one of those people you were just hung up on. I was so hung up on him. I'm not anymore. Good. Yeah. Yay. No, no, not at all. I do hope he's doing okay. Yeah. Wish all my past people. I don't want to say lovers. My past lovers. Wish all my past. Anyone that I've been romantically involved with. Well, I hope you're doing great. Yes. Send in the good, good vibes. Hope 95% of you are doing great. I hope that y'all get the help you need.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

That's what I hope too.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:48

I hope all of you get the help you need. Mm-hmm. Cause y'all need it, low-key. And everyone's weird habits stem from something. They do. I was just talking about that with my coworker. Really? I was like, all of these men who like have these weird emotional issues or blockages, I'm like, where like obviously everyone's different, but like just normal old dudes who are privileged, had a good childhood, whatever. I'm like, where did your weird tendencies come from? Right? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. Actually, like, I I feel like I did know with Frank Moot because he was aware of his problems too. Like, he had issues with his parents and also like was heartbroken from a past relationship. So he like knew he knew why he needed to go to therapy even. He was like that's been more lame. Sorry, I'm just like shitting on this person, but he represents an archetype for me. But I'm like, I get it. It's just lame when you even know that you need it and know, but you like just refuse to work on it. I think a lot of people think pushing things down is easier. Like, because I remember being like, why don't you just go? And he was like, It seems like a lot of hard work and like a lot of stuff he doesn't want to talk about. You can literally see in the ways that it's holding you back in your life, and it's like, why do you? I don't know, because I had a bad bitch. Yeah, literally. Like, thank God it didn't work out. But yeah, it wasn't meant to be. No, it wasn't. He would have to be a different person for it to have worked out. He would have to be Rodney. And I feel that way about people too. But like, yeah, it's just not meant to be. Sometimes people just aren't on your level. Yeah. And I don't know, like, I don't know what that's like. Like I was literally gonna say that, then I realized it sounded how it sounded, and then I said it that way. But I mean it. Like, I don't know. I just don't know what it's like to like not be there, right? You know, yeah. And I hope the people that aren't that way like get the help that they need. Because everyone deserves to live their best life, but like you have to work for that. Yeah, you can't just unless you literally have no wounds or trauma or what's that like? What's it like having no wounds? Like a lot of wounds come from dating, I I guess. Like, yeah, it's not just yeah, cheating wounds. My nails gonna come off my press on nails. So sad. There it goes. Oh, damn. I'm gonna maybe glue it back on. Anyway, should we wrap it up? I guess, yeah. What's on nine? Oh shit. I'm like, I need to go to Rodney's. Oh yeah. I need to eat dinner. Oh my god. Um, all right. Well, what's the take

The Take Home

SPEAKER_01 1:12:44

home? The take-home is go to therapy. And um, you know, if you recognize the difference between your wounds and then someone else's actions that are actually hurting you, rather than just they do something that's not harmful, but it triggers you for whatever reason, you have to know the difference between the two things, I think. Um and then there's like a middle middle layer of like, yes, people can do things that annoy you, and then you just have to talk, talk them out, you know, or yeah, do do things a lot, a lot of communication. Communicate. It would be insane to have a relationship where everything is just perfect, yeah, and you guys don't have to communicate anything, it's not like that's not possible. I mean, maybe maybe it is. Maybe some of you guys have that, and that's cool. But normally, like, if you're with someone, like disappointment and stuff is bound to happen. I guess it just depends on like one, how you communicate, how they deal with it after you tell them. We always say that how people respond to conflict, how people respond to conflict, and also like if they work on it, yeah. I mean, yeah. You're bound to be disappointed. Yeah, that sounds depressing, though. But also you're bound to be surprised by amazing things that you wouldn't expect. I wasn't expecting Rodney to make me cry from randomly noticing and me being insecure and like reassuring me when I didn't even my brain didn't think to go to like, I need reassurance. My brain was just like, why is he not showing me his Instagram? But his brain went to like, hey, you what the fact that you want to look at my Instagram page shows me that you need reassurance from me, so I'm going to give you that and tell you I love you and that I am not looking for other girls to talk to. Like that was a surprise that was just like, I was like, oh, I didn't need I know I needed that.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:50

So yeah, sometimes you'll be disappointed, but then there will be awesome surprises too. Sometimes they'll bring you flowers. Um yeah. Wow. Okay. What a sode. It took us a while to get into a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:02

Yep. Anyway, um, you can follow

Outro

SPEAKER_01 1:15:04

us at Take It Home Pod on TikTok, on Instagram. You see our funny little videos and stay up to date with our sods and when they come out and things. You can always message us if you want to hear about a certain topic. You can watch it on YouTube also if you're not currently. We love you guys. A new episode every Thursday. We love y'all. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:31

We sod it.